Notes on the Journey

Posts tagged ‘violence against women’

Tranz Encounters of the Weird Kind

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TERF BANGS!

Today I just happened to be approaching the shuttle stop for the bus to UIOWA campus as the bus arrived. It’s been damp and cooler than normal in Iowa City and I was feeling it in my bones this morning, so I flagged the bus and hopped on. Usually I walk the two miles to the art school because a brisk walk early in the morning is the best thing for advanced arthritis. I practice mindfulness walking,  being aware of my body in space and deepening my sense perceptions of the world around me. We have all been trained to tune out the natural world, but as an artist I must continually work to deepen my sense perceptions of the living world.

So, I parked my butt in a seat near the door and tried not to look too conspicuous as the only old person on a bus filled with students. At the next stop a person with long hair and no discernible facial hair boarded the bus. They sat in the seat nearest the door and immediately began to talk very loudly about their appearance. Getting into details about mascara at 8 in the morning with a bus driver.  This was not a beauty queen, it was a rather nerdy looking person in a jacket and jeans.

I am a survivor of horrific sexual abuse that began in infancy at the hands of my violent pedophile father. The way I survived was by developing hyper-acute sensitivity to non-verbal cues, emotional timbre, tones of voice. I had to know when danger was brewing. These days I have to keep my level of hyper-alertness  at a critical level because men are pretending to be women and I HAVE to know when I am in a vulnerable situation with a person who was born with a penis and socialized into male privilege.

Ordinarily when I encounter men who are pretending to be women I can just look the other way,  and do what is necessary to avoid any interaction, so that my negative reaction won’t be noticed and out me as gender-critical. But this morning, the trans-identified male on the bus was violating my personal space. He was flirting shamelessly with the bus driver. I could feel the waves of anxiety pouring off of him as he chattered on and my stomach started to turn. I could hear the strain in his voice and he struggled to maintain the appropriate level of babytalk femininity that he thought would let him pass as female. But the facade kept breaking and I heard the testosterone bass breaking through.

I started trembling because of a gut feeling that I was in the presence of an unstable person who was telling a huge lie about objective reality and thinking he was getting away with it. In the past I have had no problem with gender nonconforming people, with men who dress in stereotypical female garb, because I thought it was about being gay and being gay is fine. Now that I have studied the phenomenon of autogynephilia, however, I understand that these men are deliberately violating social norms in order to elicit a shock reaction from others. This causes a feeling of sexual stimulation for these men. It can become an out of control addiction for some men. But we are never supposed to talk about this because to do so violates the rights of the gender nonconforming.

I marveled at how the bus driver went along with this performance. Because it is totally about performance. After a couple of stops I got up and moved to the back of the bus where I wouldn’t have to hear that man’s voice seesawing in and out of falsetto and basso profundo. I did some deep breathing and it came to me that this is what men believe being a woman really is all about. Our entire existence is seen as a performance for men’s benefit. All women are capable of is paying minute attention to every aspect of our appearance and behavior, to be certain we are pleasing men – according the the tranz doctrine. We are empty masks painted on the sky, no soul within that mask. I can’t think of a more alienated state to aspire to. Imagine thinking that what you really are is a fake mask. That’s what an “identity” is.

I wonder if the bus driver and people around these sad individuals who enable their behavior would be as accepting and tolerant of transgenderism if they understood that it really is a psycho-sexual disorder on the same scale as anorexia. It is a distorted image of the self and a denial of the body in exactly the same way as anorexia, with as dire consequences for physical health, since cross sex hormones are just poison and removing healthy body parts is – and should be treated as – criminally insane behavior. That goes for the greedy “doctors” who do this to children. We are taking names. You WILL be held to account for this.

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What about ME(N)?

2017_01_12-Adam Robinson-tschoon-001This is a letter that I have written to the director, Adam Robinson, of The Rape Victims Advocacy Center at UIOWA in reaction to a recent conference sponsored by RVAP entitled What About Me(n)?

Dear Adam,

I am a 64 year old mother of two daughters and I have one grandchild. In 1985 I sued my father for the 12 years of his sexual assaults during my childhood. I lost that lawsuit because of the statute of limitations which said I only had 3 years from the time I reached age 18 to sue him in civil court for damages. So I went to the Vermont legislature and asked them to change the laws about child sexual abuse. Finally, in 2003 the Vermont State Legislature changed the statute of limitations to 40 years. I have been working in the field of domestic violence for 40 years as a victim advocate.

In 2013 I moved to Iowa City and lived for a year with my daughter in the River City Housing Collective. There were men and women living in that community who chose to “identify” as the opposite sex. Before every business meeting we were required to go around and introduce ourselves and state our “preferred pronouns.” I was fine with this and didn’t see any problem with it. I considered myself a tolerant and progressive person.

But then I joined a local arts group. There was a very male, completely unaltered man in the group who called himself by a woman’s name and who everyone referred to as “she.” I went along with this and said nothing because I didn’t want to be considered intolerant. But then I received an email from the group asking for help with an art project for a girls’ summer camp. The email said, “Trans Welcome.” This stopped me in my tracks. I thought this was odd because the message that would be given to the girls is that bodies do not matter, only the self-image you decide you want to have. If a girl does not enjoy being a member of the gender that has less power, doesn’t like her female body and it’s needs and vulnerabilities, then all she has to do is to decide to become a man and go get herself sterilized by (untested for long term consequences on children) puberty blockers and male hormones and have radical surgeries to change her body so that it appears to be male.

sad-depressed-little-girl-sitting-near-wall-grunge-34480298When I was a girl there was nothing I wanted more than to become a boy and escape my father’s sexual assaults. I am still “gender dysphoric” at age 64 because of the unfair treatment I have endured all of my life for the crime of being born with a vulva, clitoris, ovaries, uterus and breasts. But I am not delusional and I know that changing my appearance will not change my chromosomes or my socialization into being a rape target and toilet cleaner. You need to understand that gender identity ideology does nothing to change the power dynamic that keeps women in chains. I was not paid less all my life because of my feminine identity. I was paid less because I have a woman’s body, – I AM a woman’s body, I am not separate from my body.  I was not raped and battered and harassed by people who identify as male. I was raped by males with male bodies and XY chromosomes who were socialized into misogyny and male entitlement.

I decided to attend a group at RVAP in 2014 for survivors of sexual abuse. It was a group for women. I found it helpful…until I received an email that informed me that I would have to accept males who identify as female in the group. No-one asked me if this was acceptable. No-one was interested in my feelings or my experience or my research about the harm that transgender ideology is doing to children. i was being forced to accept that a person who was born with a penis and was socialized into male privilege is really a woman if he says he is. It was a very rapey move on the part of RVAP to shove this directive down my throat.

Now the City Council of Iowa City is poised to enshrine the female erasing policy that is gender identity ideology into law. And so I have to speak out before all of the rights of women that I have worked to establish over the past 40 years are brushed aside in favor of privileged, entitled males with a psychosexual disorder.

You have made a grave mistake by positing personality traits and people’s imaginary identities over the bodies of actual living, breathing, bleeding, birthing, breastfeeding, rape-targeted, underpaid, women. I am writing to you now because of the language you used in the recent What About Me(n) conference. You are pushing a religious belief when you say that this was about those who “identify” as male. There is no magical transubstantiation that takes place when a person decides to present him or herself as the opposite sex. It is an idea in someone’s mind that has zero basis in physical reality. I have not been oppressed by male ‘identities.” Male identities did not rape my female identity. Stop this patriarchal mindfucking. Stop denying the reality of women’s bodies and women’s experience.

madamnomad.com/2018/02/27/the-violent-misogyny-of-the-gender-debate/
https://madamnomad.com/2017/08/04/living-in-tranztopia/
Women Fear Drug They Used To Halt Puberty Led To Health Problems
“The money is flowing” to “suck people in:” Vaginoplasty & the case of Jazz Jennings
https://www.dnainfo.com/chicago/20160623/streeterville/billionaire-jennifer-pritzker-helps-fund-clinic-for-trans-kids-at-lurie
http://thefederalist.com/2018/02/20/rich-white-men-institutionalizing-transgender-ideology/
http://www.femaleerasure.com/

The Violent Misogyny of the Gender Debate

From The Spectator:

“Journalists and politicians talk a lot about freedom of speech, and rightly so, because the ability to express thoughts and opinions without fear or restraint is the foundation of democracy. We must be free to question, free to doubt, or we are not free at all.

But for journalists and politicians, ‘freedom of speech’ can feel a bit of an abstract concept, a debating point not a matter of personal safety. We talk about curbs on free speech as things that make it harder for us to do what we do – write and talk. We rarely think about them in terms of physical fear.

So a couple of weeks ago, when I wrote here about the way fear is chilling the debate about Britain’s laws on sex and gender, I really meant the fear of reputational damage. I referred to the fear that MPs and journalists feel that if they question moves to allow people to decide their own legally-recognised gender they will be accused of transphobia and bigotry.

That fear is real, and troubling, but there are worse things to be afraid of. Fear that you will lose your job and your livelihood. Fear of physical attack.

And that is what some people in this debate feel here. They fear that if they are seen to speak out and question the trend to change the law to allow ‘self-identification’, they will come to harm. Real harm.

Some of those people are meeting tonight in London, to discuss those changes in the law and their concern about them. I can’t tell you precisely where because the location of the meeting is being kept secret. The people organising and attending the meeting are scared of what might happen if some of the people who disagree with them turn up.

The people organising the meeting call themselves A Woman’s Place UK. They say the proposed changes in the law raise questions that are not just practical but existential. They worry that if a man can become a woman just by saying so, with no external check or verification, then the very term ‘woman’ becomes meaningless, and a group of people with no meaningful name or identity will in time lose all standing in law and society. For them, womanhood is a matter of objective biological fact, one that subjective feelings cannot change. Most, if not all, of them call themselves feminists.

Some of the people who disagree with them use a different name: TERFs. It technically stands for Trans Exclusionary Radical Feminist but if you follow online ‘debate’ you’ll see it’s become a term in its own right, and an abusive one. Follow the utterances of the most committed advocates of trans rights and you’ll find frequent references to violence against Terfs: punch Terfs, kill Terfs.

There are lesser threats too, to use more subtle means to inflict harm. Social pressure is used to threaten the employment of those considered Terfs: read this Mumsnet thread for a disturbing litany of what happens to women who ask questions about the self-identity agenda in the workplace, especially in academia and the public sector. In politics, women who question the self-ID agenda have faced censure and expulsion in Labour, the Greens and, yes, the Women’s Equality Party.

It is hard not to conclude that such things are at least partly the result of a concerted attempt to stigmatise and demonise women who attempt to raise concerns about a policy that they feel poses risks to their safety and even their fundamental existence.

To be clear at that point, I note that the following two statements can both be true, at the same time. Neither fact justifies the other. First, some transgender people suffer unacceptable physical, mental and social abuse that causes them real and unacceptable harm. Second, some women who question the move towards self-defined gender feel real and unacceptable fear of physical harm at the hands of some people who advocate that change in the law.

Perhaps you think a Woman’s Place UK are over-reacting, or talking up the threat for political purposes. If so, I suggest you search online for ‘punch terfs’. Or follow a case of alleged assault currently awaiting trial. Or review the history of the group’s Edinburgh meeting, where one of the protesting groups has demanded that the venue that had the temerity to host a bunch of women talking about feminist theory hand the proceeds of the event over to a group that says punching Terfs is a moral duty akin to fighting Nazis.

Against which background, I suggest that it is depressingly understandable that some of the women involved in tonight’s meeting feel genuinely threatened, and threatened over the simple act of attending a political meeting.

And for all that this might upset or even offend some people, biology does matter here. Biological males are, on average, larger and stronger and more aggressive than biological females. Biological males commit more acts of violence — and more serious acts of violence – than biological females.

For these sadly rational reasons, among others, women are more likely to feel afraid of men than men are of women. Hence the existence of those spaces and places that law and convention reserve for women: changing rooms, refuges, hospital and prison wards.

Would the safety of those spaces be compromised if any man could gain the legal right to enter them simply by saying the words ‘I am a woman’? That is one of the questions the women who meet tonight are asking — keenly aware that some of the people who might take up that legal right are currently issuing threats against them.

I don’t know the answer but I think the question is a valid one and deserves a considered answer from anyone who proposes to change the law to allow such a situation. But it appears that some of those people don’t want to answer the question. They don’t even want it to be asked.

So the story of tonight’s Women’s Place meeting is this: a group of people who were raised male and in some cases retain full male anatomy are perpetuating a narrative that harm – including physical violence — can and should be inflicted on women who question the things those people say are true.

This debate about gender and sex and identity may seem terribly modern, a product of our times, but really, this is a story as old as they come: women who do not know their place are threatened and punished. Britain in 2018 is still a country where women who speak out risk a smack in the mouth.”

Journalists and politicians talk a lot about freedom of speech, and rightly so, because the ability to express thoughts and opinions without fear or restraint is the…
BLOGS.SPECTATOR.CO.UK

Tranz Trances, Session 7

pissed-off-grandmaI actually believed I was done with the Tranz trances essay series, but lo and behold, gender ideology has taken over the Iowa Council and that is just too significant for this Grandma to ignore. I have included the article from the Daily Iowan below the following rant.

One reason I was backing away from the gender issue is because I understand very clearly that the ocean is dying. The acidification caused by absorption of carbon is making the ocean incapable of supporting life.  No plankton, no O2, no life on earth. In fact 90% of the ocean’s life has been destroyed so far. We have maybe 10 years as a species before we go extinct. So with that lens, the frantic race to re-enshrine males and male privilege under the rubric of “gender-identity laws” seems like a pointless issue to fret over.

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TERF BANGS!

But, what the hell, I am still alive for now and fighting back against sexism and the idiocy of gender identity ideology gets my old blood flowing.

The primary reason why I am so riled up is that what the Iowa City Council has done is to pass a law that will have a profound effect on women and our efforts to free ourselves from slavery under the universal system of male supremacy, male dominance, male privilege – and it’s enforcement arm, the ever-present threat of male violence. They have gone ahead and passed this law without it ever being brought before the general public for us to explore all of the ramifications of such a drastic change in the status of women.

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As I look at the many–barreled effort to bombard the public into to accepting this issue as a rectification of the oppression of a tiny minority of people with a confused idea about the difference between behaving according to a patriarchally enforced gender stereotype and the living breathing reality of the sexed body, I can’t help but see that this issue has been massively astroturfed by corporate medical interests with synthetic hormones and cosmetic surgeries to sell to the sheeple.

I would like to ask the esteemed members of the council these questions:

  • Why exactly they believe that sexed bodies are irrelevant and that a man is a woman if he says so?
  • Where’s the beef? What, exactly, is a non-binary gender identity? The docs say it’s a brain disease – psychiatric disorders are considered diseases of the brain. If so, why aren’t you protecting the rights of people with other psychiatric diagnoses and passing special laws to protect them?
  • Why is no-one asking about how this might affect women in vulnerable situations and how this equalizes the power imbalance between males and females?
  • Why is it ok that nobody asked me whether I was comfortable with being forced to include a man (who was socialized his entire life into the fine points of his male privilege, who suddenly decides he wants to pantomime women’s oppression) into my women’s rape and incest support group?
  • Why do I, a rape and incest survivor, find that I now must INCREASE my already toxic levels of hypervigilance to scan every individual who enters a vulnerable space with me to see if he has an adam’s apple, thin hips, big shoulders and hands…whatever gender role performance he believes he is presenting?

24173763_10155855259559844_1028321982151185142_oThe point is that we, as a people together might decide that sex is irrelevant and that women are now free from rape culture through the magic of gender identification, but anyone who raises even the slightest objection to being steamrolled by genderist ideology is branded a bigot and silenced, doxxed and no-platformed.

Hey, I do get it. No man ASKS to be endowed with male privilege. And after all male privilege is not a genetically determined biological state, (tho the 50 elite families would have us believe that privilege is written in the genes) it is purely a matter of cultural indoctrination. But a curious thing happens to a boy who grow up being submitted to and coddled by all the females in his life. He gets to like and expect it. And by the magic of gender identity politics, all he has to do is make up a new gender for himself and declare that he no longer benefits from being male. This is very seductive. Imagine being able to opt in and out of sexual oppression just by the power of imagination and a liberal dose of theater.

crush rapeIn a way, genderist ideology is kind of like the MacDonald’s of social justice and women’s liberation. You just tool up to the medical gender dealer and buy yerself some chemicals and a little cosmetic surgery and VOILA, no more injustice. And then there is the power of being able to control the conversation about rape culture and women’s oppression and even get laws passed to support your narcissistic and lazy bullshit. So much easier than actually working in the real world to end male privilege and change sexist laws.

The city expands gender definitions to non-binary individuals.

By Maria Kuiper

maria-kuiper@uiowa.edu

On Tuesday night, the Iowa City City Council voted 7-0 to update the city ordinances concerning gender identity and human rights. The City Council agreed to amend Title 2, “Human Rights,” Chapter 1, “Definitions.”

Currently, the ordinance defines gender identity as “a person’s various individual attributes, actual or perceived, in behavior, practice or appearance, as they are understood to be masculine and/or feminine.”

The new amendment will remove these terms to make it inclusive for nonbinary expression. Nonbinary expression means individuals who believe that they do not fall under male/female identities.

According to the American Psychological Association, it is difficult to estimate the number of individuals who identify as nonbinary because of limited research. However, it estimates that nonbinary individuals make up 25 to 35 percent of the populations that identify as transgender.

The ordinance defines these terms in order to protect community members of Iowa City against discrimination and to be consistent with the Civil Rights Act of 1964, which states that the United States outlaws discrimination based on race, color, religion, sex, and national origin.

The Iowa City Human Rights Commission was established to spread information, educate the community on discrimination and human rights, provide necessary enforcement, and to protect individuals from discrimination.  

City Attorney Eleanor Dilkes said she believed the ordinance needed to be updated.

“Our current gender-identity definition talks in binary terms,” Dilkes said. “This change recognizes that gender identity is not binary and should include any number of identity expressions.”

City Councilor Kingsley Botchway said he was excited about the change.

“As a progressive city, our policy should speak to [and] continue the conversation on gender identity,” he said.

City Councilor Mazahir Salih agreed with Botchway.

“I am really glad our city is looking to define these terms,” she said. “This way we can make our city inclusive for everyone.”

This is not the first step Iowa City has taken toward gender inclusiveness.

As previously reported by The Daily Iowan, as of 2016, University of Iowa  students had the option to self-report a variety of gender identities, such as he, him, his, she, her, hers, they, them, theirs, ze, hir, hirs, and ze, zir, zirs on the MyUI system.

In 2013, the UI also became the first public university in the country to allow students to identify as transgender on admissions applications.

In a 2017 message from UI President Bruce Harreld, he said the university “will not tolerate anything but a safe and inclusive campus for people of all backgrounds, regardless of race, religion, sexual orientation, gender identity, or country of origin.”

Several states in the U.S. are making strides in becoming more inclusive toward nonbinary individuals. D.C., Oregon, and California offer nonbinary people the option to put X on their driver’s licenses in place of male or female, and other states have introduced legislation for this and for changes on birth certificates.

Tranz Trances, Session 5

I actually thought I was done with this series and had said what I needed to say, but then I opened the Daily Iowan, the student rag here at the University of Iowa, and read this stunning editorial that calls for an end to Title lX protections for females in order to accommodate people who think they are the opposite sex from the one they were born as. If I had any doubt that the tranz fad is all about misogyny and the attempt to terrorize women and invade our hard won private space and generally erase us and the gains we have made in the legal sphere, then this piece of yellow journalism clears away those doubts.

The very worst part of this is that I can’t get anyone in the UI community or this paper to answer any of my questions about the tranz phenomenon. It’s like I entered the Twilight Zone and I am surrounded by the Gender Zombies. Appparently now that we are no longer distinguishable from one another and are sexually interchangeble there is no longer a problem with male privilege, male violence against women or the thousands of ways that that people who are born with “front holes” are harassed, diminished, paid less for the same work, and subject to forced pregnancy and “sex work.” Tranzing non-gender-conforming kids is a progressive idea and anyone who disagrees and wonders whether a child can give informed consent to poisonous sterilizing hormones and mutilating plastic surgery is a gay-bashing bigot who does not deserve the dignity of a reply.

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EDITORIAL: TITLE IX, RIGHTS, AND A VACANT SUPREME COURT SEAT

The Supreme Court is set to hear a potentially landmark case in the battle for LGBTQ rights. This is the second major case the Supreme Court has heard with regards to the LGBTQ community in the past two years (the first being the mandate that all U.S. states legalize same-sex marriage).

The upcoming case deals with the increasingly ubiquitous debate over public restrooms. According to NPR, the case, Gloucester County School Board v. Grimm, involves a transgender boy who was able to use the boy’s restroom as a freshman in high school until some parents complained. As a result,  the School Board adopted a policy requiring students to use the restrooms corresponding with their biological sex or a separate single-stall restroom.

In April, the U.S. Court of Appeals for the 4th District agreed to see the case. Gloucester County then petitioned the court, and justices ruled (5-3) that the School Board did not have to follow the order of the lower court.

According to numerous sources, Grimm’s argument has been that Title IX (the federal law banning sex-based discrimination in schools) protects transgender people as well.

The case becomes interesting because, according to the Washington Post, Title IX may not apply to this scenario. Title IX does not make a comment on gender classification; rather, it comments on the ability of men and women to use specific facilities. Grimm’s case may, therefore, have some difficulty proving a connection to Title IX because Grimm would have to prove that as a male, he is being discriminated against (as opposed to the school debating how he defines his own gender). This is not to say that Grimm does not have a case, but that he may not be able to win on the grounds that the actions of the Gloucester County School Board violated Title IX.

Regardless of whether this case is winnable for Grimm, federal legislation like Fair Housing and Civil Rights could also be affected by the decision.

While the case will not be heard until sometime next year, the implications of this case are massive and are only magnified by the battle currently going on over the ninth Supreme Court seat. This case — taken alone — will have effects on many future cases involving transgender individuals. But given that there may be an impending flip of partisan power on the Supreme Court, the precedent set by this case will inform all future cases involving public expectations, no mater how insensitive of transgendered people.

The weight of this case, therefore, cannot go unnoticed. The actual decision may be several months away, but it is never too early for the Supreme Court to consider the long-lasting impact of its decisions. The Daily Iowan Editorial Board believes it is the Supreme Court’s duty to protect the rights of these Americans, as it finally did last year for other members of the LGBTQ Community.

Perhaps because of the vague language used in Title IX, this could not be the case that opens doors like the gay marriage decisionof last year opened doors for other members of the LGBTQ community. But it is the beginning of a more serious national discussion of openness that has been coming for some time.

That said, we hope the case to rule in favor of Grimm. But it seems this all sits in limbo of who will sit in the ninth seat on the Supreme Court and how that person chooses to interpret Title I.

 My Reply :

You say,”But it is the beginning of a more serious national discussion of openness that has been coming for some time,” but in fact this paper has never once printed any information from anyone who questions the merits and the science behind transgendering people. And whenever I personally try to engage anyone in the UI community on this topic, from RVAP  (Rape victim’s Advocacy Program) to WRAC (Women’s Resource and Action Center) to the GWSS  (Gender, Women and Sexuality Studies) program I am studiously ignored. You mention that ” the precedent set by this case will inform all future cases involving public expectations, no mater how insensitive of transgendered people,” but you say nothing about how abolishing the legal difference between males and females will be far more than simply insensitive to women.

I would like you to present peer-reviewed scientific studies that prove that there is no biological or therefore, legal, difference between males and females and that the socialized gender noms that have been establsihed by patriarchy in order to enforce the second class status of females are inborn characteristics that have more validity than being born XX or XY, that is, as a male or a female with their associated sex organs.

People may be “assigned” a sex ROLE at birth and they may not like that sex ROLE, but this does not therefore mean that they have the “wrong” body. Why am I not allowed to say this?

I would also like to know what not liking your body, such that you want to mutilate yourself in order to appear to be the opposite sex, has to do with being homosexual. Are all transgender people homosexual? If they aren’t, then why are they part of the the gay, lesbian, queer, bisexual political rights cadre? I would be happy to hear what the reasoning behind this is, especially since I am a bisexual, non-gender-conforming grandma and I apparently missed something as this was becoming an issue that I am now being forced to grapple with.

Another problem with your continued advertisement of and normalization of this trend is the way that it affects children. I went along with the trans ideology until I realized that parents were taking their non-gender-conforming kids to shrinks and surgeons and subjecting them to hormone treatments (which can cause cancer and mitochondrial damage as well as sterilizing a child before they really understand what this means) and plastic surgery. That is when I had to put my foot down and speak up.

Being gender-non-conforming is fine with with me. People who don’t conform to patriarchal sex role stetreotypes should not be the targets of male violence. But trivializing and erasing the rights of an entire sex class (women) and trying to shame people like me into silence for questioning whether there is even any science behind this assertion, i.e., that somehow there is no biological difference between men and women and that a person can be born into the wtrong body and needs the ministrations of surgeons and Big Pharma to cure them of this malady, – is just more male privilege at work.

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How testosterone harms the female body

Gay Man Writes About Medicalized Childhood

Erasing Women

Tranz Trances, Session 4

I decided that I would reprint a recent exchange that I had with an individual in the comments section of an article that was published in The Daily Iowan, the student newspaper  at the Unversity of Iowa.:

STRUT-ting In The Park:

276f737800000578-3033363-image-m-476_1428680465442Individuals of all shapes, sizes, genders, and sexual orientations strutted down a runway in heels in Hubbard Park on Thursday night for a good cause.

STRUT, a fashion show sponsored by Gamma Rho Lambda, University of Iowa Trans Alliance, Delta Lambda Phi, oSTEM (Out in STEM), and Spectrum UI gave people the opportunity to compete in a fashion show, with proceeds going to support United Action for Youth, a nonprofit that provides youths with a safe space and support in the area and have specific support for the LGBTQ community.

Individuals could pay $3 to wear heels and walk the runway or pay $10 to compete in categories including Hawkeye Pride, Executive Realness, Futuristic Fantasy, Throwback Thursday, Frightening Fierceness, and Glamazonian Glitter Extravaganza.

“We were actually inspired by a documentary, Paris is Burning. It’s a documentary that follows this idea of ball culture, which is a piece of queer history,” said Ben Ross, the president of Delta Lambda Phi. “Basically, people would get together and perform in various categories in celebration of being queer, and the documentary kind of profiles that.”

Ross said the other events of the week have been well-attended and supported.

“We connect teens to the community through art and music, and we provide a safe space — a place where people can express themselves and feel safe doing so,” said Jamie Ellis, a youth-development specialist for the United Action for Youth.

Ellis said it’s important to provide support and listen to LGBTQ youth, because it can be a challenging time in life.

Lydia Zhu, the winner of the first part of the STRUT competition, said she came to the event to support a good cause and a great community. It was not her first time on the runway.

“I was part of the Walk it Out board for the past few years at the University of Iowa, so I have some experience with stage walking,” she said.

Her best advice to people ready to strut down the runway is to “Be confident in yourself, because it shows. As long as you’re confident, other people will feel it, too.”

This is my comment and replies to my comment:

Jeanne Smith:
I am a 63 year old grandmother. In 1985 I sued my father for sexually assaulting me for the first 12 years of my life. I lost the suit in courts run by men, but I went to the legislature and changed the laws on child sexual abuse. I was part of the movement to shelter battered and raped women from the 70’s onward. It’s from this perspective that I am writing.

I wonder how the college and Iowa City community would feel about a group of white men who dressed in blackface and sang spirituals and ragtime all the while saying it was a celebration of their own culture. I believe people would find it offensive to celebrate the oppression of former slaves and current victims of police violence.

woman-falling-off-heelsThe stereotypes that this group is so cheerfully co-optating and celebrating are formulated by men to suit men’s tastes. Male privilege is what determines fashions and appropriate behavior for females. Male privilege creates and enforces what is known as “femininity.” Being feminine has nothing to do with being female. The “fashion” of high heels is all-of-a-piece with the “fashion” of female footbinding. We used to call high heels “rape shoes” because they impede a woman’s ability to avoid assault by running away.

Rape culture is rampant on college campuses. I am wondering why it’s ok to celebrate rape culture and the fetishization of female body parts. This type of display by groups that are supposedly all about sexual freedom makes me believe that it’s just the same old patriarchy in a dress. In order to create sexual equality between men and women so that gender roles become irrelevant we need to work toward the passage of an Equal Rights Amendment for women, ensure equal pay, childcare and reproductive freedom for women, and an end to rape culture. It’s time to shrink male privilege, not put on high heels and stagger down a runway.

Nolan Petersen: Vice Chair at Delta Lambda Phi Alumni Association:
This event was sponsored by a number of organizations, including organizations of women. Additionally, heels are not exclusively female, and to present them as such is ignorant of the history female impersonation and cross-dressing have in the queer community.
And finally, this was a fundraiser for a local youth organization which supports young people in the community who are gender or sexuality minorities, and if you have a problem with a drag show for charity then perhaps you are the one with priorities in the wrong place.

Nolan Petersen:
Also, as someone who wants to say that being feminine is much more than fashion, you are putting a lot of emphasis in how wearing heels is co-opting femininity, when in fact many of the gay men of which put together this event wear heels in their personal lives because gender normative clothing is an exhausting and outdated cultural restriction.

I don’t disagree, though, that men have put expectations on women and the female body in the form of fashion ‘rules’ and expectations, which have harmed and assaulted women for generations. This event, however, was pulling from the gender queering of drag, not the normative and damaging aspects of male-dominated ‘women’s fashion’s.

Jeanne Smith:
Nolan Petersen ,The fact that women were involved just proves Mary Daly’s contention about female tokens, i.e., fembots who parrot the patriarchal line: “Look! They do it to themselves!” And thus men are absolved of their responsibility for rape culture.

 Jeanne Smith:

https://www.acpeds.org/…/gender-ideology-harms-children

Jeanne Smith:

https://transwidow.wordpress.com/…/female-erasure…/

Editor Ruth Barrett writes: “This anthology brings together voices of more than forty six contributors celebrating female embodiment while exploring deeper issues of misogyny, violence and sexism in gender identity politics today, demonstrating the intentional silencing and erasure of living female realities.

These perspectives come at a time when gender politics and profits from an emerging medical transgenderism industry for children, teens, and adults inhibits our ability to have meaningful discussions about sex, gender, changing laws that have provided sex-based protections for women and girls, and the re-framing of language that erases females as a distinct biological class.

Through researched articles, essays, first-hand experience, story telling, and verse, these voices are needed to ignite the national conversation about the politics of gender-identity as a backlash to feminist goals of liberation from gender stereotypes, oppression and sexual violence.”

In different voices, this compendium of articles shows how transgenderism is erasing the reality of what it means to be a woman. There are some marvelous essays in Female Erasure that make this book the recent go-to analysis of gender identity as “an inherently misogynist idea.” Read the writings by medical and psychological professionals who tell us about the wrongs their professions have inflicted on transitioners, including children; the accounts of women caught in the vicious cycle of transitioning and the stories of young lesbians pressured to be ABF (Anything But Female); and the narratives of wives of men who would be women, wives who learned the hard way that “women are [not] actually real to these men.” These are only a few of the meaningful essays in this anthology that address the current travesty of gender identity orthodoxy. ~ Janice G. Raymond

Michelle Noonan:
Nolan Petersen
You should have said thank you to Jeanne. Thank you Jeanne for advocating for and supporting the many women you have over the years. Thank you Jeanne for ensuring that women were safe.
Thank you Jeanne. It is our fore sisters that have allowed current women to continue to fight patriarchy. Thank you. From one sister to another.

Jeanne Smith:
Transplaining Blows!

Nolan Petersen:
Transplaining? Yeah, your erasure of Trans identifies and Trans women in history is so progressive and ultra feminist of you. And Michelle, I only thank people who don’t insist on erasing the existence of my queer Brothers and Sisters to make a point–which Jeanne couldn’t help herself from doing. I won’t stand by and let bigoted womyn ruin an event which was created to celebrate diversity, support young, queer youth, and pay homage to the fashion and performance of drag for decades before either of your crusty bodies came into this world. If you can’t respect queer bodies and queer people, then your opinion on this matter is truly irrelevant, as this event is about queers supporting queers in queer spaces doing queer things–none of which needs your validation to do the good work it does. Enjoy your crusty existence supporting the structures of privilege that keep men in power and keep queers (and women) quiet, you despicable excuse for a feminist.

 

Jeanne Smith:
Nolan Petersen I would not risk subjecting myself to this kind of abuse if it weren’t for the fact that gender-identity ideology is erasing women and the work we have done to protect ourselves from the effects male privilege and it’s enforcement corollary, male violence against women, and effeminate men who violate the “man box.” And what is being done to non-gender-conforming children is just horrific. Children are being given hormones that cause cancer and mitochondrial damage in order to make them conform to the heterosexual sex caste system, along with mutilating surgeries which have their own set of risks.

(Link HERE)
AND:
http://www.newstatesman.com/…/how-society-failing
And why do “queer” people have a special right to their own spaces when women apparently do not have that right within the gender ideology universe. I am a student at UI and I have been trying to find safe space for women and it does not exist. When I type “women” into the UI search engine what comes up is the alphabet soup of LGBTQ. Women are being erased because gender ideology erases the distinction between biological sex and the gender roles that are violently imposed on boys and girls as they are growing up within this rapist culture. Sex is not gender. Sex is a physical reality, gender is a social construct. Nobody is born with the wrong social construct in their brain.

I looked up the Women’s Resource and Action Center and learned that “people of all identities” are welcome. Which means men who changed their surface appearance in order to look like the stereotype of the rapable sex class. They talk about “violence” and erase the fact that the violence is overwhelmingly done by male against females with the intent of keeping females subservient and afraid. I went to the Rape Victims Advocacy Center to find support for my post-incest issues and was informed that I have to share my support group with men who were raised as members of the rapist class who superficially look like women. When I write to these agencies or to the “Gender Studies Department” (women deleted, violence mentioned generally and not attributed to males and male privilege with women as the target) or the Daily Iowan to ask what the fuck is going on I am not even afforded the dignity of a reply. Who is silencing whom here?

I like people who aren’t hetereosexual. I don’t want anyone to be harmed by male violence, by not fitting into the “man box.” I am not the problem. I did my work to dismantle the sex caste system But, I don’t like it when gay men co-opt female culture, especially the parts that symbolize our slavery, and fetishize parts of female bodies in order to objectify and degrade females.

Have I made myself clear?
angry-old-woman

Reading Daly, 30 Years On

imagesFrom my journal, October 26, 2016:

It is fucking hard to be rereading Mary Daly’s Gyn/Ecology thirty years on from the first time I read her and to realize that I had the “answers” and the analysis and yet I could not avoid being eaten alive by the forces of the sadostate.  I descended into the phallocratic underworld and completely lost my way and my self. Which was the main point of all the violence – to consign me to a living death.

Within the sadostate women are ontologically undermined, for the sadointent is the conversation of female participation in Be-ing into mere being, that is, the conversion of women into things, and into complicity and thinghood. To the extent that phallic lust succeeds, women are reduced to nonbe-ing.

Robert Whitaker’s book Mad In America:The Enduring Mistreatment of the Mentally Ill partly woke me up in 2008 and sent me along a path of healing; facing my addiction to the behavior-control chemicals that I was prescribed by doctors who were apparently attempting to partially euthanize me. They were trying  to shut me up about having been raped and battered by my father for the first 12 years of my life.  I did manage to free myself from the drug straitjacket, tapering carefully from the behavior-control chemical cocktail slowly over the course of 4 years.

images-1Whitaker went over the some of the same material as Daly, chronicling the rise of gyno/genocidal psychiatry – it’s connections to eugenics and Nazi medical experiments and the mass murder of mental patients during WWll in Germany, but Daly’s words were absent from my damaged brain in 2008, my memory wiped clean by the chemicals and the psychiatric trauma I had endured. And so I wasn’t able to see the whole picture and make the connection that psychiatry is one front, a major one, in the war on women.

There is indeed a war on women. There is a force in this culture, in all of the civilizations on the planet, (except the most primitive and endangered) that absolutely HATES women and nature and wants us silenced, bound and gagged, controlled, tortured, eliminated, made into a lifeless plastic substitute. I have been encountering it everywhere, but I have been unable to name it or see the connections between the various manifestations. I kept taking it personally, kept blaming myself for my difficulties.

Most people really are asleep, are sleepwalking through their lives, automatically acting out atrocities. unaware of the violence they do to themselves, to women and children, to the living planet.

SO -what was I expecting from enlightenment? I guess I was expecting peace and joy and freedom, not this creeping sense of horror upon finding myself awake in the middle of the mass nightmare we call civilization.

I spoze I could go back to the professional  euthanizers and have them chemically neutralize me again.

Nah. I’d rather be awake and aware and in pain than be one of the zombies walking around with their eyes glued to their smartphones, oblivious to the horror raining down all around us.
download

Tranz Trances, Session 4

I decided that I would reprint a recent exchange that I had with an individual in the comments section of an article that was published in The Daily Iowan, the student newspaper  at the Unversity of Iowa.:

276f737800000578-3033363-image-m-476_1428680465442Individuals of all shapes, sizes, genders, and sexual orientations strutted down a runway in heels in Hubbard Park on Thursday night for a good cause.

STRUT, a fashion show sponsored by Gamma Rho Lambda, University of Iowa Trans Alliance, Delta Lambda Phi, oSTEM (Out in STEM), and Spectrum UI gave people the opportunity to compete in a fashion show, with proceeds going to support United Action for Youth, a nonprofit that provides youths with a safe space and support in the area and have specific support for the LGBTQ community.

Individuals could pay $3 to wear heels and walk the runway or pay $10 to compete in categories including Hawkeye Pride, Executive Realness, Futuristic Fantasy, Throwback Thursday, Frightening Fierceness, and Glamazonian Glitter Extravaganza.

“We were actually inspired by a documentary, Paris is Burning. It’s a documentary that follows this idea of ball culture, which is a piece of queer history,” said Ben Ross, the president of Delta Lambda Phi. “Basically, people would get together and perform in various categories in celebration of being queer, and the documentary kind of profiles that.”

Ross said the other events of the week have been well-attended and supported.

“We connect teens to the community through art and music, and we provide a safe space — a place where people can express themselves and feel safe doing so,” said Jamie Ellis, a youth-development specialist for the United Action for Youth.

Ellis said it’s important to provide support and listen to LGBTQ youth, because it can be a challenging time in life.

Lydia Zhu, the winner of the first part of the STRUT competition, said she came to the event to support a good cause and a great community. It was not her first time on the runway.

“I was part of the Walk it Out board for the past few years at the University of Iowa, so I have some experience with stage walking,” she said.

Her best advice to people ready to strut down the runway is to “Be confident in yourself, because it shows. As long as you’re confident, other people will feel it, too.”

This is my comment and replies to my comment:
Jeanne Smith:

I am a 63 year old grandmother. In 1985 I sued my father for sexually assaulting me for the first 12 years of my life. I lost the suit in courts run by men, but I went to the legislature and changed the laws on child sexual abuse. I was part of the movement to shelter battered and raped women from the 70’s onward. It’s from this perspective that I am writing.

I wonder how the college and Iowa City community would feel about a group of white men who dressed in blackface and sang spirituals and ragtime all the while saying it was a celebration of their own culture. I believe people would find it offensive to celebrate the oppression of former slaves and current victims of police violence.

woman-falling-off-heelsThe stereotypes that this group is so cheerfully co-optating and celebrating are formulated by men to suit men’s tastes. Male privilege is what determines fashions and appropriate behavior for females. Male privilege creates and enforces what is known as “femininity.” Being feminine has nothing to do with being female. The “fashion” of high heels is all-of-a-piece with the “fashion” of female footbinding. We used to call high heels “rape shoes” because they impede a woman’s ability to avoid assault by running away.

Rape culture is rampant on college campuses. I am wondering why it’s ok to celebrate rape culture and the fetishization of female body parts. This type of display by groups that are supposedly all about sexual freedom makes me believe that it’s just the same old patriarchy in a dress. In order to create sexual equality between men and women so that gender roles become irrelevant we need to work toward the passage of an Equal Rights Amendment for women, ensure equal pay, childcare and reproductive freedom for women, and an end to rape culture. It’s time to shrink male privilege, not put on high heels and stagger down a runway.

Nolan Petersen: Vice Chair at Delta Lambda Phi Alumni Association

This event was sponsored by a number of organizations, including organizations of women. Additionally, heels are not exclusively female, and to present them as such is ignorant of the history female impersonation and cross-dressing have in the queer community.
And finally, this was a fundraiser for a local youth organization which supports young people in the community who are gender or sexuality minorities, and if you have a problem with a drag show for charity then perhaps you are the one with priorities in the wrong place.
Nolan Petersen:

Also, as someone who wants to say that being feminine is much more than fashion, you are putting a lot of emphasis in how wearing heels is co-opting femininity, when in fact many of the gay men of which put together this event wear heels in their personal lives because gender normative clothing is an exhausting and outdated cultural restriction.

I don’t disagree, though, that men have put expectations on women and the female body in the form of fashion ‘rules’ and expectations, which have harmed and assaulted women for generations. This event, however, was pulling from the gender queering of drag, not the normative and damaging aspects of male-dominated ‘women’s fashion’s.

 

Jeanne Smith:

Nolan Petersen ,The fact that women were involved just proves Mary Daly’s contention about female tokens, i.e., fembots who parrot the patriarchal line: “Look! They do it to themselves!” And thus men are absolved of their responsibility for rape culture.
 Jeanne Smith:


Editor Ruth Barrett writes: “This anthology brings together voices of more than forty six contributors celebrating female embodiment while exploring deeper issues of misogyny, violence and sexism in gender identity politics today, demonstrating the intentional silencing and erasure of living female realities.

These perspectives come at a time when gender politics and profits from an emerging medical transgenderism industry for children, teens, and adults inhibits our ability to have meaningful discussions about sex, gender, changing laws that have provided sex-based protections for women and girls, and the re-framing of language that erases females as a distinct biological class.

Through researched articles, essays, first-hand experience, story telling, and verse, these voices are needed to ignite the national conversation about the politics of gender-identity as a backlash to feminist goals of liberation from gender stereotypes, oppression and sexual violence.”

In different voices, this compendium of articles shows how transgenderism is erasing the reality of what it means to be a woman. There are some marvelous essays in Female Erasure that make this book the recent go-to analysis of gender identity as “an inherently misogynist idea.” Read the writings by medical and psychological professionals who tell us about the wrongs their professions have inflicted on transitioners, including children; the accounts of women caught in the vicious cycle of transitioning and the stories of young lesbians pressured to be ABF (Anything But Female); and the narratives of wives of men who would be women, wives who learned the hard way that “women are [not] actually real to these men.” These are only a few of the meaningful essays in this anthology that address the current travesty of gender identity orthodoxy. ~ Janice G. Raymond

 

Nolan Petersen:

Transplaining? Yeah, your erasure of Trans identifies and Trans women in history is so progressive and ultra feminist of you. And Michelle, I only thank people who don’t insist on erasing the existence of my queer Brothers and Sisters to make a point–which Jeanne couldn’t help herself from doing. I won’t stand by and let bigoted womyn ruin an event which was created to celebrate diversity, support young, queer youth, and pay homage to the fashion and performance of drag for decades before either of your crusty bodies came into this world. If you can’t respect queer bodies and queer people, then your opinion on this matter is truly irrelevant, as this event is about queers supporting queers in queer spaces doing queer things–none of which needs your validation to do the good work it does. Enjoy your crusty existence supporting the structures of privilege that keep men in power and keep queers (and women) quiet, you despicable excuse for a feminist.

 

Jeanne Smith:

Nolan Petersen I would not risk subjecting myself to this kind of abuse if it weren’t for the fact that gender-identity ideology is erasing women and the work we have done to protect ourselves from the effects male privilege and it’s enforcement corollary, male violence against women, and effeminate men who violate the “man box.” And what is being done to non-gender-conforming children is just horrific. Children are being given hormones that cause cancer and mitochondrial damage in order to make them conform to the heterosexual sex caste system, along with mutilating surgeries which have their own set of risks.

(Link HERE)
14681617_1819079668330133_3076915616078858266_nAND:
http://www.newstatesman.com/…/how-society-failing

And why do “queer” people have a special right to their own spaces when women apparently do not have that right within the gender ideology universe. I am a student at UI and I have been trying to find safe space for women and it does not exist. When I type “women” into the UI search engine what comes up is the alphabet soup of LGBTQ. Women are being erased because gender ideology erases the distinction between biological sex and the gender roles that are violently imposed on boys and girls as they are growing up within this rapist culture. Sex is not gender. Sex is a physical reality, gender is a social construct. Nobody is born with the wrong social construct in their brain.

I looked up the Women’s Resource and Action Center and learned that “people of all identities” are welcome. Which means men who changed their surface appearance in order to look like the stereotype of the rapable sex class. They talk about “violence” and erase the fact that the violence is overwhelmingly done by male against females with the intent of keeping females subservient and afraid. I went to the Rape Victims Advocacy Center to find support for my post-incest issues and was informed that I have to share my support group with men who were raised as members of the rapist class who superficially look like women. When I write to these agencies or to the “Gender Studies Department” (women deleted, violence mentioned generally and not attributed to males and male privilege with women as the target) or the Daily Iowan to ask what the fuck is going on I am not even afforded the dignity of a reply. Who is silencing whom here?

I like people who aren’t hetereosexual. I don’t want anyone to be harmed by male violence, by not fitting into the “man box.” I am not the problem. I did my work to dismantle the sex caste system But, I don’t like it when gay men co-opt female culture, especially the parts that symbolize our slavery, and fetishize parts of female bodies in order to objectify and degrade females.

Have I made myself clear?

angry-old-woman

October 17, 2016

Journal Entry

Feeling comfortably detached as I wait here for the end of the world.

I’m in an odd place because I left behind all the guideposts I used to rely on to explain the world and shape my views and behavior. I have gone into the Outer Darkness, far beyond what I leaned from all the philosophers and gurus and I don’t believe ANY of it anymore. I see now that ALL of it was presented from the male point of view, everything I learned, everything I read, except for the work of a few feminist authors and teachers.

The only teaching that has any value is the one that directs me to become aware of my body and my breathing and to work on maintaining my awareness in the present, here and now.

I am keenly aware of just how powerless I am to affect what is happening on this planet. Some moments I desperately want to be released from this disaster, but at others, like right now, I’m just grateful that my own little life makes some sense and has beauty in it.

It would be great to stop taking patriarchy so personally.The whole point of rape culture is to reduce me to an object, a non-agent. My “beingness,” my uniqueness, my personhood is irrelevant.

Men seek revenge on women because men can’t have babies. This is the whole primal truth of the matter. This truth is rabidly suppressed, just like the truth about climate change and the mass die-off of pollinators from industrial petrochemicals, for instance. These are truths that I am never allowed to speak aloud in public. People do not want to hear it. It makes them uncomfortable to hear the truth.

I spoze I need to write another blogpost about this – about Marge Piercy’s conjecture that technology will solve this problem of male jealousy over women’s reproductive capacity by growing babies in artificial wombs and shooting up men with female hormones so they can breastfeed, as she proposed in her book, Woman On The Edge Of Time. Tranzing is the tech solution to inequality between the sexes and this is a problem because medical science and technology are capitalist, masculinist enterprises and as such, don’t particularly care about women and the natural world, which are simply “resources” that exist to make profit from.

I’m coming to accept that I’m not responsible for patriarchy. I didn’t cause it and I can’t cure it, as they say around the 12-step groups that deal with addiction. It seems that my yelling at the delusional masses in online forums (and frantic emails to former women-only spaces like rape crisis centers that now permit men who say they are women into their support groups) is just my attempt to blow off steam in my mind-shattering grief over what is taking place,  over the harm that is being done to women and the very basis of life on earth, and for all the life that is being lost.

The violence that I have been subjected to throughout my life from this rapist culture gave me a distorted sense of responsibility. I am not responsible for patriarchy and it’s brainless, gynocidal,  SUICIDAL ecocide.

A patriarchal family is a slave family and is a shame-based family because shame is what molds people into slavery. All of the implied and actual violence is deliberate and intended to produce shame within individuals such that they are unable to stop the violence. The Circle of Death.

I am still coping with the injuries I sustained in my marriage. The man I married is an automaton who acts out a rigid role. I used to explain his behavior by the fact that he grew up with an alcoholic father. I did not exist as a living, autonomous sentient being. I was also only a ROLE, an object, an economic unit, as he actually stated about me and our children. I was a function and a means to his own ends.

About a year ago I was trying to write about addiction and slavery and attachment theory and was unable to find the heart in it…because I was not consciously considering the role of male supremacy and rape culture. Male privilege is always the elephant in the living room. It’s the silent oppressive fog that surrounds all of our social structures. So I wasn’t able to put together the severed parts, I had a jumble of facts, but the essence was missing.

Ten thousand years of female slavery shaped the relations between my ex-husband and me. He was grown the same way that my father and brothers and all males are made, secure in their positions of dominance over women and their right to our labor, our bodies, the products of our wombs, our care and attention.

I could not be a moral agent until I was able to walk away from all of this. I could not be responsible until I was able to separate myself from the constant violence from males that shaped my choices. Instead of being sorrowful I know I need to be grateful that I woke up and that I have this opportunity to come to real life, to the real world, dying as it is. I still have this moment of autonomy and clarity.

 

 

 

 

One Woman And The Truth

muriel“What would happen if one woman told the truth about her life?
The world would split open.”

Muriel Rukeyser

Since all indications point to the fact that we are living in a virtually inescapable trap that I have come to call The Patrix , and that this trap, this machine,  is busily in the process of destroying all capacity of the Earth to sustain life, I have decided it is time for me to lay out my own truth.  There is nothing left to lose. It is time to split the world open.

 Deconstructing The Patrix

The Patrix (a Gaia University coinage meaning the ‘patriarchal matrix’ or matrix of oppression) is an ever present, potent and frequently invisible shape-maker of human cultures. It consists of thousands of dysfunctional thought patterns (memes) that function as a mutually supporting complex, interlocking system. These memes are installed in our individual, community, and cultural operating systems sometimes by contagion or by accident, and more often by patterns of oppression.

Silencing

sad-depressed-little-girl-sitting-near-wall-grunge-34480298My father threatened me over and over that if I told anyone what he was doing to my body that I would lose my family. To a three-year-old child this is nothing less than a death threat, a threat that I would be ostracized out in the wilderness and die of starvation. He was not lying to me. I have lost my entire family, the one I was born into as well as the one that I created from my body, because I would not shut up about being raped and beaten by my father, from early infancy until my mother died of DES-related cervical cancer when I was twelve years old.

When I first began blogging in 2012 it was my hope to be able to post actual entries from my daily journal online. I chose not to do this out of concern for the privacy of family members with whom I still maintained contact. But I have had to separate myself from even these individuals because they continued to be abusive toward me.

I will be placing these entries under their own heading (My Journal) in order to distinguish them from my other work and interests.

So, here goes:

October 8, 2016

My first though upon waking this morning was about the similarity between my daughter’s and my mother’s behavior,  how I cringed in their presence,  how they made me feel inferior and unsafe and unwanted. They both very much wanted me dead.

I woke up this morning with the thought that my parents actually tortured me. I am who and what I am because of the torture I endured throughout  my childhood. This is why I always resonated with stories about what the worldwide androcratic religion has done to women everywhere throughout history – murdering widows in India,  butchering vulvas in Africa and the Near East, burning “witches” during The Enclosure Movement of the Middle Ages. It is because I physically lived this kind of mindbinding torture every day of my childhood.

All of the torture was intended to prepare me for an adulthood of being eaten alive, exploited and then discarded by men and by my children.

It wasn’t persona,  and it wasn’t even particularly conscious – it was reflexive on the part of my caretakers. Because, of course, my mother had,  herself,  been tortured and exploited all through her own life.

ww1-d-533-shame-jpgThe way I see it now we were of the social class known as “cannon-fodder.” Boys were raised to be fighters and soldiers in the endless patriarchal wars of acquisition of land, women and resources, and girls were raised to service the soldiers. This was fairly explicit. I was beaten many times for screwing up household chores and told I would be subject to the same from my future husband if I didn’t straighten up. And I watched my father beat my mother over and over for minor infractions of household service.

That was the pattern. So, of course I blindly married into a military family (my father-in-law was a veteran, both brothers-in-law were lifetime military men,)  even though MY soldier wore a white collar and became a different kind of government functionary. He axed people’s jobs instead of their throats.

All humans are now under a spell brought about by deep conditioning and virtually nobody is awake and aware and able to act freely. My recurring childhood nightmare of being the only one left alive after the bomb falls seems to literally true. It’s as if I am the only one awake in a world full of automatons.

I knew it as a child, I knew it then and I know it now. I have been frantically searching for others who are awake. I see a spark sometimes, but these moments fade quickly and they add to my despair. No-one seems to be able to maintain the fire of truth and PRESENCE. The conditioning we are subjected to all our lives is absolute.

The Target

What I am remembering ia always being my mother’s target, never knowing when she would, without warning, reach out and slap me hard across the face. I never knew what behavior would make her hit me. I was always in a heightened state of tension, just waiting for the blows. The cruelty of this was that my anxiety would make me clumsy and that enraged her even more.

And there was the torture of the “medical procedures” I was subjected to, for instance the frequent enemas and  being laid naked on the floor to be swathed in the sulfur laden cotton batting they was supposed to heal the rash between my legs. (I had that rash from my father’s beard as he rubbed my genitals and inner thighs raw, but I was under threat of death not to tell.) The torture of the sexual abuse and being held responsible for this abuse and all of the drudging housework I was forced to do for my father and brothers, because I was female and my mother was dying of cancer from DES exposure (Which was a form of medicalized male violence against women.)

Psychopaths

My father was a psychopath in a culture designed and forcible perpetuated by psychopaths. The worst thing about this for me was that my brutal early conditioning led me to become the victim of these types of individuals throughout my life, from my lovers, my husband, the pill-proffering doctors, my own children. The behavior seems so familiar. I misinterpret the words and actions of these people as care and concern because I was dependent on monsters for food and shelter as a child. The attentions of vampires feel like love.

My ex-husband and my last and only lover after him were both this type of man. They were identical in their beliefs about their natural entitlement and my existence as an object to be exploited for personal gain. I am still not clear about how both of my daughters came to be psychopaths. The closest explanation I can come up with is the dynamic that exists throughout patriarchy whereby daughters witness their mothers being tortured and are tortured BY their mothers in many cases. Girl children react to this by dis-identifying with their mothers and holding rage toward them.

juryI kept trying to force my daughters to look at all of this. But the damage was too deep. They refuse to see the pattern. My daughters are ruined. They will never emerge from the evil enchantment they are under. They will never question who are the actual agents of the destruction. They won’t even face the fact that the destruction has taken place, that it was deliberate and calculated. That is was done by my grandfather, who protected his pedophile son and paid for the doctors and lawyers who testified against me in court when I was nine years old. It was done by my father, by their alcoholic grandfather, by their own narcissistic father, by the cops and the judges and the doctors and the CEO’s and politicians.

Internecine Destruction

Patriarchy has won its internecine battle and all life on Earth is now threatened with extinction.I am now able to make the connection that the abuse and torture that we were all subjected to as schoolkids was directly analogous to what was happening “in private” in my house. We were continually threatened with mass annihilation, we were controlled on the minutest levels by ritual shaming and the threat of humiliation if we stepped out of line.

That’s what the nuke drills were intended to do to the entire population. This was the purpose behind being put in restrictive desk seats in precise rows inside of concrete and brick boxes. Patriarchal terrorism at it’s finest: domestic abuse in the home, psychological torture in the schools.

 

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