Notes on the Journey

Posts tagged ‘transsexual’

Tranz Encounters of the Weird Kind

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TERF BANGS!

Today I just happened to be approaching the shuttle stop for the bus to UIOWA campus as the bus arrived. It’s been damp and cooler than normal in Iowa City and I was feeling it in my bones this morning, so I flagged the bus and hopped on. Usually I walk the two miles to the art school because a brisk walk early in the morning is the best thing for advanced arthritis. I practice mindfulness walking,  being aware of my body in space and deepening my sense perceptions of the world around me. We have all been trained to tune out the natural world, but as an artist I must continually work to deepen my sense perceptions of the living world.

So, I parked my butt in a seat near the door and tried not to look too conspicuous as the only old person on a bus filled with students. At the next stop a person with long hair and no discernible facial hair boarded the bus. They sat in the seat nearest the door and immediately began to talk very loudly about their appearance. Getting into details about mascara at 8 in the morning with a bus driver.  This was not a beauty queen, it was a rather nerdy looking person in a jacket and jeans.

I am a survivor of horrific sexual abuse that began in infancy at the hands of my violent pedophile father. The way I survived was by developing hyper-acute sensitivity to non-verbal cues, emotional timbre, tones of voice. I had to know when danger was brewing. These days I have to keep my level of hyper-alertness  at a critical level because men are pretending to be women and I HAVE to know when I am in a vulnerable situation with a person who was born with a penis and socialized into male privilege.

Ordinarily when I encounter men who are pretending to be women I can just look the other way,  and do what is necessary to avoid any interaction, so that my negative reaction won’t be noticed and out me as gender-critical. But this morning, the trans-identified male on the bus was violating my personal space. He was flirting shamelessly with the bus driver. I could feel the waves of anxiety pouring off of him as he chattered on and my stomach started to turn. I could hear the strain in his voice and he struggled to maintain the appropriate level of babytalk femininity that he thought would let him pass as female. But the facade kept breaking and I heard the testosterone bass breaking through.

I started trembling because of a gut feeling that I was in the presence of an unstable person who was telling a huge lie about objective reality and thinking he was getting away with it. In the past I have had no problem with gender nonconforming people, with men who dress in stereotypical female garb, because I thought it was about being gay and being gay is fine. Now that I have studied the phenomenon of autogynephilia, however, I understand that these men are deliberately violating social norms in order to elicit a shock reaction from others. This causes a feeling of sexual stimulation for these men. It can become an out of control addiction for some men. But we are never supposed to talk about this because to do so violates the rights of the gender nonconforming.

I marveled at how the bus driver went along with this performance. Because it is totally about performance. After a couple of stops I got up and moved to the back of the bus where I wouldn’t have to hear that man’s voice seesawing in and out of falsetto and basso profundo. I did some deep breathing and it came to me that this is what men believe being a woman really is all about. Our entire existence is seen as a performance for men’s benefit. All women are capable of is paying minute attention to every aspect of our appearance and behavior, to be certain we are pleasing men – according the the tranz doctrine. We are empty masks painted on the sky, no soul within that mask. I can’t think of a more alienated state to aspire to. Imagine thinking that what you really are is a fake mask. That’s what an “identity” is.

I wonder if the bus driver and people around these sad individuals who enable their behavior would be as accepting and tolerant of transgenderism if they understood that it really is a psycho-sexual disorder on the same scale as anorexia. It is a distorted image of the self and a denial of the body in exactly the same way as anorexia, with as dire consequences for physical health, since cross sex hormones are just poison and removing healthy body parts is – and should be treated as – criminally insane behavior. That goes for the greedy “doctors” who do this to children. We are taking names. You WILL be held to account for this.

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Tranz Trances, Session 3

11800264_1479268932388342_1932913393874812129_nI have been thinking about what it was that triggered me into writing about the Tranz issue. I had been going along with it, reserving judgment, not taking it personally, not seriously questioning it, never confronting anyone who believed that tranzing was not only possible, but somehow virtuous and brave. This morning it came to me exactly what it was that turned the tide for me and gave me the courage to begin questioning this phenomenon in public.

maxresdefaultAmy Beede was a woman in the psychiatric survivor community of Vermont, a “frequent flyer,” as they describe people who are in and out of psychiatric hospitals on a regular basis. The first time I met Amy was in 1985. We had the same counselor, who was working with us on emotional problems connected with being sexually assaulted by our fathers during our childhoods. I met Amy at the psych unit at Central Vermont Hospital.

Amy had a lot of problems. She was put on a lot of drugs for a lot of different psychiatric diagnoses over the years and had trouble living independently in the community. But, obviously, the main problem was that she had been beaten and raped by her father throughout her childhood. In fact, many of the women I knew in Vermont who were trapped in the psychiatric system were victims of rape and incest, but this was covered up and denied by virtue of the fallacy promoted by psychiatry that emotional problems are brain diseases that must be medically managed with drugs.

I didn’t see Amy for several years, although I knew she’d had trouble at the VT State Hospital, where she was charged with assault for defending herself from attacks by psychiatric personnel. The last time I saw her was in 2012 on a bus to Burlington, VT. She had the affect of a person with dementia, speaking out inappropriately to people on the bus. Although she had known me in the past, she didn’t recognize me as we spoke. I attribute this to the brain-damage that is caused by psychiatric behavior-control chemicals. 

amos-beedeThen, this past summer of 2016, I found out something truly horrific. Amy had changed her sex to male, calling herself “Amos,” and she had been murdered while homeless in Burlington, VT.

Of course, the Tranz activists bemoan this as a typical attack on transgendered people, which is a terrible reality. But here’s my problem: Why did none of the doctors who “treated” Amy for her supposed “mental disease” of “Gender Identity Disorder”  consider her trauma history when they agreed to prescribe her cancer causing hormones? I don’t know if she had actually undergone the surgical mutilation that is plastic surgery on her genitals and the slicing off of her breasts, but that was the next logical step in this horrific progression. Why did insurance pay for this kind of treatment when what she really needed was a good trauma counselor with an understanding of the sexual caste system and sexual violence against women? Why is nobody talking about this? I tried to talk about this with mutual friends on Facebook and was promptly silenced.

I was shocked by all this news and all the more so, because this could very easily have been my story. Amy and I have similar histories and similar experiences with the mental corrections system;  the same doctors and hospitals and counselors in Vermont. There is something very wrong with the medical system, there is something chillingly wrong with a psychiatric system that would recommend an operation on a woman’s body to change her so that she APPEARS to be male but not make sure that a severely traumatized individual HAS A FUCKING PLACE TO LIVE. What kind of priority is that? It’s an ECONOMIC priority. The made money from diagnosing her as “gender dysphoric” and prescribing her hormones. There’s no money in telling the truth, avoiding medical harm and struggling for social justice for rape and incest victims.

Amy died because incest is soul murder. It destroyed her sense of self and made her vulnerable to the social control agents of the Corporate-Industrial Medical Corrections System. It put her on the street and made her a murder victim. They had given her drugs to control her behavior that affected her hormones  and they kept hammering home the message that her problems were the result of genetic brain chemical imbalances and not simply the result of being battered and sexually assaulted by her father. And thus she came to believe that the solution to the problem of being in the rapable class, i.e., female, was to become male.

 

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