Notes on the Journey

Posts tagged ‘Steroid poisoning’

I Spent a Year as a Trans Man. Doctors Failed Me at Every Turn

I Spent a Year as a Trans Man. Doctors Failed Me at Every Turn

Portrait of Sydney Wright

Sydney Wright is a business sales representative in the private sector and a student at Georgia Northwestern Technical College.

I can’t wrap my head around all that I’ve done to myself in the last two years, much less the “help” that some health care professionals have done to me.

Two years ago, I was a healthy, beautiful girl heading toward high school graduation. Before long, I turned into an overweight, pre-diabetic nightmare of a transgender man.

I won’t place the full blame on health care providers, because I should have known better. But they sure helped me do a lot of harm to myself—and they made a hefty buck doing it.

Here’s my story.

Next year, absolutely everything is on the line. Defend your principles before it is too late. Find out more now >>

From my earliest years, I was always different from the other girls. I wore boy clothes, and I played with boy toys. I was a classic tomboy.

As I got older, I became romantically interested in other girls. In fact, with the exception of one guy I dated in high school, I exclusively dated girls.

At the time, you wouldn’t have been able to tell I was gay just from looking at me. I had long, blond hair, wore makeup, and carried myself rather femininely. But in my head, I knew I was gay—though I was more of a self-loathing gay.

The truth is, I didn’t like gays, and didn’t want to be associated with them. Yet there I was, dating only other girls.

Sydney as a senior in high school. (Photo: Sydney Wright)

By the time I was 17, my parents had long divorced and I was living with my dad. That’s when he found out I was dating girls. He promptly kicked me out of the house, saying it was his way or the highway.

With little choice, I moved in with my mom.

Soon after that, I cut my hair—a decision that grieved both my parents. But what happened next grieved them far more.

At age 18, I started seeing a bunch of transgender men’s “success stories” on Instagram. The trans men talked about how something had always “felt off” with them, and they said people couldn’t tell they had been the opposite sex after their transition.

Their stories all seemed to have a happy ending—and it made me rather jealous.

Here I was getting frowned upon for holding hands with my girlfriend in public, feeling like I’m constantly being judged by everyone, while transgenders could date their same-sex significant other while looking like the opposite sex.

I resented that and began to envy the transgenders. I looked into it for myself.

A Fast Track to Transgender

Everything I read was in favor of transitioning.

They only mentioned how brave the transition would make you, and how good it would be for you.

Regrettably, I couldn’t find any articles about transgender regret or the huge health issues that would come from making the transition. They only mentioned how brave the transition would make you, and how good it would be for you.

I tried my best to find books that discussed the issue critically and offered opposing views, but all I found were pro-transgender authors. That left me with the obvious conclusion: If all the “experts” were in favor of transition, why not do it?

Every passing day, I saw myself as this awful “dyke,” this unnatural lesbian. I hated that image and would much rather have been a guy dating girls. So I Googled how to make the transition to male.

Sydney after cutting her hair. (Photo: Sydney Wright)

The first step was to find a therapist who would write me a letter to start me on male hormones.

I soon found a therapist who said she would help me, and I told her I wanted to start the hormones on my 19th birthday, which was only five weeks off. She required only a one-hour appointment each week.

That’s hardly enough time to get to know someone. Yet those five hours got me an official letter that unlocked the doors for me to get hormone therapy and become a “man.” It also helped me change my “sex” on my driver’s license from female to male.

Not once did she tap the brakes to keep me from gender transition.

I now see a huge problem with how easy this was. If the therapist had gone slower and been more careful, she would have seen that I wasn’t actually trans.

But by this time, I’d seen the promotional videos. I was convinced that my gender is what was “off,” and the therapist guided me along and made me feel like a sex change is what I needed.

By this point, my friends were also encouraging me to transition. “You’re a hot girl,” they said. “You’ll be a hot guy, too!” Others were too afraid to say anything against it, because after all, it was 2017. I never got pushback from anyone.

In reality, of course, I was not a boy, and hearing otherwise was the last thing I needed. I was simply insecure about being tomboyish and a lesbian in public.

My therapist never once tried to sit down with me and figure that out. Instead, she asked me questions like: “When did you start feeling this way?” “Why do you feel you’re this way?”

Not once did she tap the brakes to keep me from gender transition.

The Scam That Scarred Me

Once I got my letter, I went to a doctor in Atlanta in what turned out to be the worst treatment of my life.

I was not a boy, and hearing otherwise was the last thing I needed.

The doctor came in and asked if I had any questions. I told him, “I’m just a little nervous.” He asked, “Do you not want to do this?” I said, “I do,” and he replied, “All right. Where’s your letter?”

I gave him my letter, but he didn’t open it—not even to check if it was real.

He said, “I’ll call in your prescription for testosterone.” That surprised me—I thought he was going to administer it himself.

I asked, “Are you not going to give me the shot yourself?” He then sarcastically suggested I could drive all the way back to Rome, Georgia, (four hours) to get my prescription, and then come back to his office to get the shot.

That wasn’t realistic, and he knew it.

“But I don’t know how to give myself a shot,” I said.

He replied, “There’s no wrong way to give it.” He told me to go home and figure it out. He suggested watching a YouTube video.

That honestly scared me. It should have been red flag No. 1 that the doctor didn’t care, that this was just a money scam. His hands-off approach showed he was confident he wouldn’t be held accountable for this treatment.

But at this point, I was still caught in the delusion. I thought gender transition could make me “normal.”

Unfortunately, that’s not the reality that awaited me.

Destroying My Own Body

The injections of male hormones started to have their effect, but not in the way I expected. I started gaining more and more weight. My skin started to get more and more puffy and discolored. My blood started to thicken.

The doctor’s office was running bloodwork for me every three months, and it actually said I was now pre-diabetic—something that was totally new for me.

My gender-transition doctor said not to worry, but I decided to see another doctor for a second opinion. He said my thickening blood put me at risk for a heart attack or stroke.

Sydney during the first few months on hormones. (Photo: Sydney Wright)

I did this to myself for almost a year. During that time, I gained 50 pounds and was miserable. None of my problems that I thought this would solve were being solved, and I came to have even less self-confidence than before.

I started feeling regret.

Unfortunately, I was stuck: I had already declared to everyone that this was who I was. I had changed my gender, and I had forced people to play along with it and call me by a new name: Jaxson. At work, men had to be OK with their former female co-worker now using the same restroom as them.

Everyone was walking on eggshells around me—and people fell in line for fear of what might happen if they objected. (Employers are already being sued over this kind of thing, after all.)

Nobody could tell me what I was doing was wrong, or “Hey, wake up!” A few brave souls at work did quietly try to say, “Are you sure?” Or, “Why don’t you think about it a little while?”

Meanwhile, my mom was crying daily about why I was doing this to myself, all the while blaming herself.

Sydney after one year on hormones. (Photo: Sydney Wright)

Finally, one day, my grandfather sat me down to talk about it. He was, and will remain the only person whose opinion I will ever care about. With tears in his eyes, he asked me to stop.

Everything in me wanted to keep going—not even because I wanted it anymore, but because of pride. “What will people think?” I thought. I had made everyone play along. If I suddenly stopped, what would I tell people?

Those questions ate at me. And yet, there was my grandpa, the man I respect most, pleading with me through tears. I just couldn’t tell him no.

That was a saving grace. I would have let this treatment kill me before admitting I’d screwed up. His intervention may have saved my life.

Sydney with her grandfather. (Photo: Sydney Wright)

So I decided to quit—and I quit cold turkey without seeing my doctor again.

Unfortunately, it wasn’t that simple.

Not even two weeks after stopping hormone treatment, the withdrawals kicked in with a vengeance. I was soon on the floor groaning, crying, throwing up, not able to keep anything down, and not able to eat at all.

Getting sick every single day was exhausting. I went to the emergency room three times and had to have two procedures to figure out what was happening to me. My hormone balance was way off, and I was miserable.

Sydney while losing weight from withdrawals. (Photo: Sydney Wright)

The last time I went to the ER, I had been showering and suddenly went into withdrawals. I called my mom, who had to drive 30 minutes to come get me out of the shower and take me to the hospital. I didn’t even think I would make it there alive.

Before the ER gave me medicine to sedate me, I begged my mom to make them admit me to the hospital. “I will die if I go back home or leave here,” I said.

She and I both sat crying before I passed out from all the sedatives they gave me. I thought I wasn’t going to make it.

Finally, Hope

After four long, exhausting months of being sick every day and losing the 50 pounds, I finally got back to a semi-normal life.

I’m now more stable, but my body bears the scars of gender therapy. My voice is still deep, and I look very masculine. I’m now $1,000 poorer due to the cost, though that’s a fraction of what insurance paid.

And, because of that doctor’s letter that said I’m irreversibly a male, my driver’s license is now stuck with a “male” label. I’ll have to appear in court to prove I’m a female again.

Nevertheless, I’m just thankful to have gotten off this horrible path alive, and before I had any body parts mutilated.

Sydney six months after quitting hormone treatment. (Photo: Sydney Wright)

It’s insane to me that our society is letting this to happen to young people. At age 18, I wasn’t even legal to buy alcohol, but I was old enough to go to a therapist and get hormones to change my gender.

This is happening to vulnerable kids much younger than I was, and the adults are AWOL.

When you walk into these clinics, you won’t really see older people around. It’s boys and girls playing dress-up, brought there by clueless parents, waiting for the appointment that could likely ruin their lives.

I hope I’m not the only one who sees a major problem with this. Our culture has set up a fast-track to gender transition that will only result in scarred bodies and ruined lives—and the medical community is complicit. I met with these doctors in person and gave them my own cash. I can tell you they did not care.

At age 18, I wasn’t even legal to buy alcohol, but I was old enough to go to a therapist and get hormones to change my gender.

This is a public health crisis that our media and politicians are completely ignoring. More young people are being deceived every day, being told that the solution to their insecurity and identity problems is to get a sex change.

That’s just about the worst path you can put a young person on.

Until we do something, until the medical community puts up serious guardrails and begins to do its due diligence—and until politicians grow a spine and step in—expect to see more young people scarred for life.

If anything, I hope my story can serve as a warning bell and save some other young teenager the misery and grief I’ve been through.

Transgender Hormones and Kids: What they don’t want you to know

Transgender Hormones and Kids: What they don’t want you to know



More info

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Pushing Steroids on Schoolkids, Part 1


The problem with having a blog is that I am sometimes so overwhelmed by the content that I am trying to present that I publish before I edit. This is a two part post. I made two separate posts due to the amount of text. In this post I reprint material that I found on the Iowa City Schools website regarding the new gender religion and the language that teachers are now required to use.

In the second post (HERE) I reprint the reply I received from the director of Iowa Safe Schools when I forwarded the links to these two post to “them”.  I also show in the second post the direct links between Iowa City Schools and the Pediatric Gender Enforcement Clinic here in town.

In this update I want to add my observation that instead of teaching children about male violence and male privilege, which are the driving forces behind the lack of EQUITY between the sexes, children are being taught about kink and told that it’s possible for a person to be born into the wrong body. There should also be information about how to keep boys away from the porn that is propaganda for violating females. Porn actually harms the brains of young boys who now have unlimited access to horrifying images of the violent sexual abuse of females.

But no, no profit in that, I spoze. This is what brings the dough in:

52676600_606372733167830_2444819067056422912_o (1)This morning I walked into the Iowa City Public Library behind a group of tweens dressed in rainbows and carrying the self self-sterilization flag of the genital mutilation cult known as Transgenderism. They were accompanied by chaperones from the United Action For Youth here in Iowa City.  As soon as I realized that this was a group of fresh sacrificial victims who were being offered up to medical corporations for poisoning , sterilization and genital mutilation, I should have turned around and walked out.

What would you do if you had to watch Jews being herded into gas ovens? I couldn’t stop myself from muttering about being sterilized with corporate hormones, but of course they have all been brainwashed into believing that people like me, who can clearly see the agenda behind selling sterilizing sex hormones to kids, are the REAL enemy, and that somehow I hate them for who they want to cuddle with and what costumes they wear.


Anyway, I decided I would look up all of the individuals who are behind this mass sterilization effort in Iowa City Schools and here is what I found:

From the Iowa City School District webpage

Many people refrain from talking about sexual orientation and gender identity because it feels taboo,
or because they’re afraid of saying the wrong thing – after all, language around gender, sexual
orientation, and gender identity and expression can shift rapidly. This glossary was written to give
adults the words and meanings to help make conversations easier and more comfortable.
Note: THESE DEFINITIONS ARE FOR ADULTS. (For students, see the Welcoming Schools
handout: Defining LGBTQ Terms for Elementary School Students.)
Ally A term that describes a person who speaks out or takes actions on behalf of someone else or
for a group that they are not a part of.
Androgynous Identifying and/or presenting as neither distinguishably masculine nor feminine.
Asexual A term that describes a person who lacks sexual attraction or desire for other people.
Bi Bisexual.
Bisexual A term that describes a person who is emotionally, romantically or sexually attracted to
people of more than one sex, gender or gender identity though not necessarily simultaneously, in the
same way or to the same degree.
Butch Commonly used to refer to masculinity displayed by a female but can also refer to masculinity
by a male.
Cisgender A term that describes a person whose gender identity aligns with the sex assigned to
them at birth.
Coming Out The process in which a person first acknowledges, accepts and appreciates their
sexual orientation or gender identity and begins to share that with others.
Cultural Competence The ability to know one’s culture and to interact effectively with people of
different cultures. In a school this includes behaviors, attitudes, policies, and structures that enable
educators to work effectively cross-culturally.
Drag Queen/Drag King A man who dresses as a woman, typically as a performance. A woman
who dresses as a man, typically as a performance. This is different from transgender (see definition
FTM A term referring to a person, assigned female at birth who identifies and lives as a male. See
transgender boy or man.
Gay A term that describes a person who is emotionally, romantically or sexually attracted to others
of the same gender.
Gender A person’s internal sense of self as male, female, both or neither (gender identity), as well
as one’s outward presentation and behaviors (gender expression). Gender norms vary among
cultures and over time.
Gender Binary The idea that there are two distinct and opposite genders — male and female.
This model is limiting and doesn’t account for the full spectrum of gender identities and gender
Gender Expansive An adjective used to describe people that identify or express themselves in
ways that broaden the culturally defined behavior or expression associated with one gender.
Gender Expression How a person expresses their gender through outward presentation and
behavior. This includes, for example, a person’s name, clothing, hairstyle, body language and
Gender Identity An internal, deeply felt sense of being male, female, a blend of both or neither—
how individuals perceive themselves and what they call themselves. One’s gender identity can be the
same or different from their sex assigned at birth.
Gender Role A set of social and cultural beliefs or expectations about appropriate behavior for
men/boys or women/girls. Gender roles can vary from culture to culture. Strict gender roles can limit
a person’s development.
Gender Role Stereotyping Stereotypes based on social and cultural beliefs or expectations about
appropriate behavior for men/boys or women/girls. This can limit children’s aspirations, achievements
and well-being.
Gender Spectrum The broad range along which people identify and express themselves as
gendered beings or not.
Genderqueer People that typically reject the binary categories of gender, embracing a fluidity of
gender identity. People who identify as “genderqueer” may see themselves as being both male and
female, neither male nor female or as falling completely outside these categories.
Gender Transition The process by which some people strive to more closely align their outward
identity with the gender they know themselves to be. To affirm their gender identity, people may go
through different types of transitions.
Social transition This can include a name change, change in pronouns, and change in
appearance, clothes or hairstyle.
Legal transition The process of updating identity documents, such as birth certificates
and drivers’ licenses, to reflect a person’s authentic gender and name. Different states and
localities have different rules, often making this process very challenging.
Medical transition For children, this may include the use of hormone blockers to delay the
onset of puberty. It may also include cross-sex hormones to induce a puberty that is more
consistent with the child’s gender identity, or for adults, to promote physical changes. It
can also include gender affirmation surgery after age 18.
Heteronormative The assumption of heterosexuality as the given or default sexual orientation
instead of one of many possibilities, and that the preferred or default relationship is between two
people of “opposite” genders.
Heterosexism The attitude that heterosexuality is the only valid or “normal” sexual orientation. This
can take the form of overt negative comments or actions towards LGBTQ people or subtle actions or
assumptions that marginalize LGBTQ people.

Heterosexual A term describing a person who is emotionally, romantically or sexually attracted to
people of a different gender. Also known as straight.
Homophobia The fear and hatred of or discomfort with people who are attracted to members of the
same sex or gender.
Homosexual A term describing a person who is attracted to members of the same sex or gender. It
is usually used in medical or scientific references.
Intersex The term used for 2% of babies who are born with naturally occurring variations in
chromosomes, hormones, genitalia and other sex characteristics.
Lesbian A term describing a woman who is emotionally, romantically or sexually attracted to
someone of the same gender identity.
LGBTQ An acronym for lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender, queer and/or questioning. Additions to
this acronym can include A, for “asexual” or “ally,” and I, for “intersex.”
MTF A term referring to a person, assigned male at birth who identifies and lives as female. See
transgender girl or woman.
Non-binary An umbrella term for people who transcend commonly held concepts of gender through
their own expression and identities. Other terms for this might include gender expansive, gender
creative, or genderqueer. Some non-binary people also identify as Transgender.
Outing Exposing someone’s sexual orientation or gender identity to others without their permission.
Pansexual A person who can be attracted to any sex, gender or gender identity.
Queer A term some people use to identify themselves with a flexible and inclusive view of gender
and/or sexuality. Also used interchangeably with LGBTQ to describe a group of people such as
“queer youth.” It is also seen in academic fields, such as queer studies or queer theory. Historically it
has been used as a negative term for LGBTQ people. Some people still find the term offensive while
some embrace the term as an identity.
Sex One’s biological and physical attributes — external genitalia, sex chromosomes and internal
reproductive structures — that are used to assign someone as male or female at birth.
Sex Assigned at Birth This is generally determined by external genitalia at birth – female, male
or intersex.
Sexual Orientation Describes a person’s emotional, romantic or sexual attraction to other people.
Some examples of sexual orientations are gay, lesbian, bisexual, asexual or pansexual.
Sexuality Describes how one experiences and expresses one’s self as a sexual being. It begins to
develop in early childhood and continues over the course of one’s lifetime.
Straight A slang term for heterosexual.
Transgender or Trans An umbrella term that describes people whose gender identity and/or
gender expression differs from the sex they were assigned at birth.
Transphobia The fear or hatred of, or discomfort with, transgender people.

I will continue this expose in the next post, providing names and email addresses of the adults who are enabling this atrocity



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