From my journal, October 26, 2016:
It is fucking hard to be rereading Mary Daly’s Gyn/Ecology thirty years on from the first time I read her and to realize that I had the “answers” and the analysis and yet I could not avoid being eaten alive by the forces of the sadostate. I descended into the phallocratic underworld and completely lost my way and my self. Which was the main point of all the violence – to consign me to a living death.
Within the sadostate women are ontologically undermined, for the sadointent is the conversation of female participation in Be-ing into mere being, that is, the conversion of women into things, and into complicity and thinghood. To the extent that phallic lust succeeds, women are reduced to nonbe-ing.
Robert Whitaker’s book Mad In America:The Enduring Mistreatment of the Mentally Ill partly woke me up in 2008 and sent me along a path of healing; facing my addiction to the behavior-control chemicals that I was prescribed by doctors who were apparently attempting to partially euthanize me. They were trying to shut me up about having been raped and battered by my father for the first 12 years of my life. I did manage to free myself from the drug straitjacket, tapering carefully from the behavior-control chemical cocktail slowly over the course of 4 years.
Whitaker went over the some of the same material as Daly, chronicling the rise of gyno/genocidal psychiatry – it’s connections to eugenics and Nazi medical experiments and the mass murder of mental patients during WWll in Germany, but Daly’s words were absent from my damaged brain in 2008, my memory wiped clean by the chemicals and the psychiatric trauma I had endured. And so I wasn’t able to see the whole picture and make the connection that psychiatry is one front, a major one, in the war on women.
There is indeed a war on women. There is a force in this culture, in all of the civilizations on the planet, (except the most primitive and endangered) that absolutely HATES women and nature and wants us silenced, bound and gagged, controlled, tortured, eliminated, made into a lifeless plastic substitute. I have been encountering it everywhere, but I have been unable to name it or see the connections between the various manifestations. I kept taking it personally, kept blaming myself for my difficulties.
Most people really are asleep, are sleepwalking through their lives, automatically acting out atrocities. unaware of the violence they do to themselves, to women and children, to the living planet.
SO -what was I expecting from enlightenment? I guess I was expecting peace and joy and freedom, not this creeping sense of horror upon finding myself awake in the middle of the mass nightmare we call civilization.
I spoze I could go back to the professional euthanizers and have them chemically neutralize me again.
Nah. I’d rather be awake and aware and in pain than be one of the zombies walking around with their eyes glued to their smartphones, oblivious to the horror raining down all around us.
I have been thinking about what it was that triggered me into writing about the Tranz issue. I had been going along with it, reserving judgment, not taking it personally, not seriously questioning it, never confronting anyone who believed that tranzing was not only possible, but somehow virtuous and brave. This morning it came to me exactly what it was that turned the tide for me and gave me the courage to begin questioning this phenomenon in public.
Amy Beede was a woman in the psychiatric survivor community of Vermont, a “frequent flyer,” as they describe people who are in and out of psychiatric hospitals on a regular basis. The first time I met Amy was in 1985. We had the same counselor, who was working with us on emotional problems connected with being sexually assaulted by our fathers during our childhoods. I met Amy at the psych unit at Central Vermont Hospital.
Amy had a lot of problems. She was put on a lot of drugs for a lot of different psychiatric diagnoses over the years and had trouble living independently in the community. But, obviously, the main problem was that she had been beaten and raped by her father throughout her childhood. In fact, many of the women I knew in Vermont who were trapped in the psychiatric system were victims of rape and incest, but this was covered up and denied by virtue of the fallacy promoted by psychiatry that emotional problems are brain diseases that must be medically managed with drugs.
I didn’t see Amy for several years, although I knew she’d had trouble at the VT State Hospital, where she was charged with assault for defending herself from attacks by psychiatric personnel. The last time I saw her was in 2012 on a bus to Burlington, VT. She had the affect of a person with dementia, speaking out inappropriately to people on the bus. Although she had known me in the past, she didn’t recognize me as we spoke. I attribute this to the brain-damage that is caused by psychiatric behavior-control chemicals.
Then, this past summer of 2016, I found out something truly horrific. Amy had changed her sex to male, calling herself “Amos,” and she had been murdered while homeless in Burlington, VT.
Of course, the Tranz activists bemoan this as a typical attack on transgendered people, which is a terrible reality. But here’s my problem: Why did none of the doctors who “treated” Amy for her supposed “mental disease” of “Gender Identity Disorder” consider her trauma history when they agreed to prescribe her cancer causing hormones? I don’t know if she had actually undergone the surgical mutilation that is plastic surgery on her genitals and the slicing off of her breasts, but that was the next logical step in this horrific progression. Why did insurance pay for this kind of treatment when what she really needed was a good trauma counselor with an understanding of the sexual caste system and sexual violence against women? Why is nobody talking about this? I tried to talk about this with mutual friends on Facebook and was promptly silenced.
I was shocked by all this news and all the more so, because this could very easily have been my story. Amy and I have similar histories and similar experiences with the mental corrections system; the same doctors and hospitals and counselors in Vermont. There is something very wrong with the medical system, there is something chillingly wrong with a psychiatric system that would recommend an operation on a woman’s body to change her so that she APPEARS to be male but not make sure that a severely traumatized individual HAS A FUCKING PLACE TO LIVE. What kind of priority is that? It’s an ECONOMIC priority. The made money from diagnosing her as “gender dysphoric” and prescribing her hormones. There’s no money in telling the truth, avoiding medical harm and struggling for social justice for rape and incest victims.
Amy died because incest is soul murder. It destroyed her sense of self and made her vulnerable to the social control agents of the Corporate-Industrial Medical Corrections System. It put her on the street and made her a murder victim. They had given her drugs to control her behavior that affected her hormones and they kept hammering home the message that her problems were the result of genetic brain chemical imbalances and not simply the result of being battered and sexually assaulted by her father. And thus she came to believe that the solution to the problem of being in the rapable class, i.e., female, was to become male.