Notes on the Journey

Posts tagged ‘antipsychiatry’

Reading Daly, 30 Years On

imagesFrom my journal, October 26, 2016:

It is fucking hard to be rereading Mary Daly’s Gyn/Ecology thirty years on from the first time I read her and to realize that I had the “answers” and the analysis and yet I could not avoid being eaten alive by the forces of the sadostate.  I descended into the phallocratic underworld and completely lost my way and my self. Which was the main point of all the violence – to consign me to a living death.

Within the sadostate women are ontologically undermined, for the sadointent is the conversation of female participation in Be-ing into mere being, that is, the conversion of women into things, and into complicity and thinghood. To the extent that phallic lust succeeds, women are reduced to nonbe-ing.

Robert Whitaker’s book Mad In America:The Enduring Mistreatment of the Mentally Ill partly woke me up in 2008 and sent me along a path of healing; facing my addiction to the behavior-control chemicals that I was prescribed by doctors who were apparently attempting to partially euthanize me. They were trying  to shut me up about having been raped and battered by my father for the first 12 years of my life.  I did manage to free myself from the drug straitjacket, tapering carefully from the behavior-control chemical cocktail slowly over the course of 4 years.

images-1Whitaker went over the some of the same material as Daly, chronicling the rise of gyno/genocidal psychiatry – it’s connections to eugenics and Nazi medical experiments and the mass murder of mental patients during WWll in Germany, but Daly’s words were absent from my damaged brain in 2008, my memory wiped clean by the chemicals and the psychiatric trauma I had endured. And so I wasn’t able to see the whole picture and make the connection that psychiatry is one front, a major one, in the war on women.

There is indeed a war on women. There is a force in this culture, in all of the civilizations on the planet, (except the most primitive and endangered) that absolutely HATES women and nature and wants us silenced, bound and gagged, controlled, tortured, eliminated, made into a lifeless plastic substitute. I have been encountering it everywhere, but I have been unable to name it or see the connections between the various manifestations. I kept taking it personally, kept blaming myself for my difficulties.

Most people really are asleep, are sleepwalking through their lives, automatically acting out atrocities. unaware of the violence they do to themselves, to women and children, to the living planet.

SO -what was I expecting from enlightenment? I guess I was expecting peace and joy and freedom, not this creeping sense of horror upon finding myself awake in the middle of the mass nightmare we call civilization.

I spoze I could go back to the professional  euthanizers and have them chemically neutralize me again.

Nah. I’d rather be awake and aware and in pain than be one of the zombies walking around with their eyes glued to their smartphones, oblivious to the horror raining down all around us.

Tranz Trances, Session 3

11800264_1479268932388342_1932913393874812129_nI have been thinking about what it was that triggered me into writing about the Tranz issue. I had been going along with it, reserving judgment, not taking it personally, not seriously questioning it, never confronting anyone who believed that tranzing was not only possible, but somehow virtuous and brave. This morning it came to me exactly what it was that turned the tide for me and gave me the courage to begin questioning this phenomenon in public.

maxresdefaultAmy Beede was a woman in the psychiatric survivor community of Vermont, a “frequent flyer,” as they describe people who are in and out of psychiatric hospitals on a regular basis. The first time I met Amy was in 1985. We had the same counselor, who was working with us on emotional problems connected with being sexually assaulted by our fathers during our childhoods. I met Amy at the psych unit at Central Vermont Hospital.

Amy had a lot of problems. She was put on a lot of drugs for a lot of different psychiatric diagnoses over the years and had trouble living independently in the community. But, obviously, the main problem was that she had been beaten and raped by her father throughout her childhood. In fact, many of the women I knew in Vermont who were trapped in the psychiatric system were victims of rape and incest, but this was covered up and denied by virtue of the fallacy promoted by psychiatry that emotional problems are brain diseases that must be medically managed with drugs.

I didn’t see Amy for several years, although I knew she’d had trouble at the VT State Hospital, where she was charged with assault for defending herself from attacks by psychiatric personnel. The last time I saw her was in 2012 on a bus to Burlington, VT. She had the affect of a person with dementia, speaking out inappropriately to people on the bus. Although she had known me in the past, she didn’t recognize me as we spoke. I attribute this to the brain-damage that is caused by psychiatric behavior-control chemicals. 

amos-beedeThen, this past summer of 2016, I found out something truly horrific. Amy had changed her sex to male, calling herself “Amos,” and she had been murdered while homeless in Burlington, VT.

Of course, the Tranz activists bemoan this as a typical attack on transgendered people, which is a terrible reality. But here’s my problem: Why did none of the doctors who “treated” Amy for her supposed “mental disease” of “Gender Identity Disorder”  consider her trauma history when they agreed to prescribe her cancer causing hormones? I don’t know if she had actually undergone the surgical mutilation that is plastic surgery on her genitals and the slicing off of her breasts, but that was the next logical step in this horrific progression. Why did insurance pay for this kind of treatment when what she really needed was a good trauma counselor with an understanding of the sexual caste system and sexual violence against women? Why is nobody talking about this? I tried to talk about this with mutual friends on Facebook and was promptly silenced.

I was shocked by all this news and all the more so, because this could very easily have been my story. Amy and I have similar histories and similar experiences with the mental corrections system;  the same doctors and hospitals and counselors in Vermont. There is something very wrong with the medical system, there is something chillingly wrong with a psychiatric system that would recommend an operation on a woman’s body to change her so that she APPEARS to be male but not make sure that a severely traumatized individual HAS A FUCKING PLACE TO LIVE. What kind of priority is that? It’s an ECONOMIC priority. The made money from diagnosing her as “gender dysphoric” and prescribing her hormones. There’s no money in telling the truth, avoiding medical harm and struggling for social justice for rape and incest victims.

Amy died because incest is soul murder. It destroyed her sense of self and made her vulnerable to the social control agents of the Corporate-Industrial Medical Corrections System. It put her on the street and made her a murder victim. They had given her drugs to control her behavior that affected her hormones  and they kept hammering home the message that her problems were the result of genetic brain chemical imbalances and not simply the result of being battered and sexually assaulted by her father. And thus she came to believe that the solution to the problem of being in the rapable class, i.e., female, was to become male.



Tranz Trances, Session 1

This essay is the first of a series I’m writing about my reactions to and analysis of the Tranzing phenomenon, from cross-dressing to hormones and surgery, and it’s effect on women as a class.  The first time I considered the Tranz issue, other than wishing I had been born a boy in order to avoid sexual assault by men (beginning with my father),  was when I was 17 and read this popular novel by Robert Heinlein:

 l Will  Fear No Evil

downloadPlot summary

The story takes place in the early 21st century against a background of an overpopulated Earth with a violent, dysfunctional society. Elderly billionaire Johann Sebastian Bach Smith is being kept alive through medical support and decides to have his brain transplanted into a new body. He advertises an offer of a million dollars for the donation of a body from a brain-dead patient. Smith omits to place any restriction on the sex of the donor, so when his beautiful young female secretary, Eunice Branca, is murdered, her body is used. He changes his name to Joan Eunice Smith, with the first name given “the two-syllable pronunciation” Jo-Ann to mimic the sound of his original name.

After Smith awakens after the transplant, he discovers he can communicate with Eunice’s personality. They agree not to reveal her existence, fearing that they would be judged insane and locked up. Smith’s identity is unsuccessfully challenged by his descendants, who hope to inherit his fortune. Smith and Eunice decide to have a baby together and so they (Joan and Eunice) are artificially inseminated using Smith’s sperm from the sperm bank. Joan explores her new sexuality at length. She goes to visit Eunice’s widower, Joe Branca, to help reconcile him to what has happened.

Joan marries her lawyer, Jake Salomon, and moves her household and friends onto a boat. Jake has a massive rupture of a large blood vessel in his brain and dies, but his personality is saved and joins Smith and Eunice in Joan’s head. She (Joan, Eunice and Jake) emigrates to the moon to find a better future for her child. Once there, her body starts to reject her (Smith’s) transplanted brain. She dies during childbirth.

tootsie_impThen the movie,  Tootsie came along. Then there was Torch Song Trilogy, Priscilla, Queen of the Desert and To Wong Foo, Thanks For Everything! Julie Newmar. I thought I had a pretty good understanding of the Tranz phenomenon, at least as it sugared-off for men. I saw Transvestitism and Drag Queens as kind of fun and essentially harmless. I had read Mary Daly’s Gyn/Ecology in the mid nineteen-eighties and I registered her disapproval of men pretending to be women, but this was before the hormone/surgery option to become the opposite sex started to become widely socially acceptable and at that time I didn’t see trans-genderism as much of a threat to anyone.

In the early 2000’s my daughter started reporting to me about the gender-bending trends among her peers. Non-binary, gender-fluid, etc. people in various combinations hooking up. And I even thought that was ok, because they seemed to be challenging the patriarchal gender hierarchy and searching for new ways to express their sexuality.

Miss Fame © Leland Bobbé

Miss Fame © Leland Bobbé

I had some dire health problems and wound up moving in temporarily at the student housing coop where my daughter was living. There were transgender people living at the coop’s houses and before every business meeting we had to go around in the circle and voice our preference of pronoun. I went along with this, also thinking that it was somehow liberating of traditional gender/sex roles and a progressive move in the direction of female equality with men. Many of the coop members identified as feminists and the structure of the meetings was supposedly based on something known as feminist process.

I went to the local rape crisis center both for support for my own post-incest recovery issues and to offer support to others. What I found there were posters talking about “gender-based violence.”:

“Gender-based violence (GBV) is the general term used to capture violence that occurs as a result of the normative role expectations associated with each gender, along with the unequal power relationships between the two genders, within the context of a specific society.” (Bloom 2008, p14).

I don’t know if it’s obvious to you, but it seems really creepy to me that the word “woman” has been erased and omitted in favor of the word, “gender.” At the rape crisis center the posters pictured girls being sexually abusive to boys. Yeah,  I get it that this happens, it happened to my brother, but in fact all men do not live in fear of all women who are stronger and more socially powerful than they are. It doesn’t matter what the statistics are, what matters is that the sexual caste system oppresses ALL women and gives ALL men privilege. And this fact is being minimized, hidden, erased.

And that is a problem for me and for all women. Because erasing women is not a new thing within patriarchal cultures.

The Tranz Trance is simply the most recent phase of torturing and obliterating females and female bodies. It is the same kind of  behavior-mod practice as footbinding and clitoridectomy , essentially products of virulently patriarchal, misogynistic, body-hating cultures. Just the normal modus operandi of the phallocratic sadostate. The human body is part of nature, and nature is seen by patriarchy as something to conquer, control, commoditize and destroy. It’s part and parcel of the thrust of the Corporate-Industrial Medical Corrections System’s intent to take control of and take credit for fertility and reproduction, from invasive and painful “fertility treatments” to genetically-raped organisms.  It is the Male-Mothering that Mary Daly describes so eloquently in her books on feminist ethics.

It took awhile for me to be able to put together the severed parts, but the fact that Tranzing is a psychiatric and surgical matter was a strong clue as to what, exactly, I was confronting.

Trans sexual, trans gender,  we are supposed to go into a trance and overlook the horror that is at the heart of the matter. I have been attempting to understand this incursion into the Sacred Space of Female Integrity but more as more I can see the roots of the ritualized sado-masochistic Goddess dismemberment and murder that is being re-enacted by the adherents of this ideology.




Child Rape And The Law, 1985 to 2013

sad-depressed-little-girl-sitting-near-wall-grunge-34480298This post contains a compilation of articles about the lawsuit I initiated in 1985 against my father for sexually assaulting me. He attacked me from the time I was an infant until I was 12 years old. I lost the lawsuit because of the statute of limitations, which said that I had 3 years from the time I was 18 to sue my perpetrator in civil court for damages that resulted from his crimes. The problem that most survivors of sexual abuse have is in PROVING that the attack(s) took place. I had the advantage of having documents from the criminal case against my father.

My father was arrested on xmas day in 1962 after my younger brother disclosed to my mother that he had witnessed my father performing a sex act on me. I was taken to the police station where a sweaty cop copbehind a desk interviewed me ALONE. My father was arrested and he gave a statement to the police. I had the arrest report, an affidavit written out by my mother and the court proceedings in front of the Grand Jury in the Family Court in Buffalo, NY., and so I felt that I had the proof that would allow me to challenge the statute and give other survivors a tool for fighting back against their abusers.

My father was not convicted because my brother and I were minors and therefore not legally viable as witnesses to the abuse, I was forced to testify before the Grand Jury in any case, alone in the courtroom with the States’ Attorney, my father’s lawyer, the judge and 12 men in grey suits. They only wanted to hear about the single incident that my brother witnessed, which was just insane, because my father abused me just about every night of my young life over the course of 11 years. I can’t adequately describe the horror I felt at being forced to recount the details of oral rape to a roomful of strange men.

juryMy father was remanded to a private psychiatric hospital after the court proceedings were over. I learned, years later, that his primary “treatment” was electroshock therapy. I imagine the doctors told themselves that incest is the result of a brain disease and the way to cure it was to electrocute the brain of the perpetrator. They pronounced him fixed, (or else my grandfather ran out of money to pay the hospital bills) sent him back to my house, and he promptly began to abuse me and every little girl in the vicinity.  Whatever ability his forebrain might have had to assist in controlling his behavior was burned away by the electric shocks. But he was able to keep fooling people that he had recovered, so I guess the dose was not high enough to render him harmless.

alanWhen I was 31 I convinced my boyfriend at the time, who was a novice lawyer, to file a civil suit against my father. His name was Alan David Rosenfeld, pictured here at the left.

HERE is a link to an article that was published in The New York Times in April 1985. Some of the facts that were reported are a little garbled, but the main idea is that three years was an absurd amount of time to be able to recover sufficiently from the terrorism that is child sex abuse in order to be able to confront the abuser in court.

THIS is a copy of the decision by the court, which affirms that the statute of limitations is an absolute bar to my being able to bring suit against my attacker.

THIS article says :

Nov. 10, 1986 11:38 PM ET

(AP) _ A federal judge has ruled that the statute of limitations had run out and dismissed a $600,000 lawsuit filed by an incest victim against her father.

U.S. District Judge John T. Elfvin on Monday threw out Jeanne Allyn’s 1985 lawsuit against Franklin K. Smith. Elfvin said Ms. Allyn, 33, of Plainfield, Vt., had until age 21 to sue for any alleged injuries suffered as a child.

He rejected her claim that the alleged abuse caused a psychological disorder that prevented her from suing within the legal time limit. Ms. Allyn would have known by the time she was 18 that ”wrongs had been committed,” Elfvin said.

The alleged sexual acts ended nearly 20 years before Ms. Allyn sued, according to court documents.

Alan Rosenfeld, Ms. Allyn’s attorney, said it would be up to his client whether to appeal. ”Obviously I’m disappointed,” he said. ”I certainly still hope she intends to appeal. I’m still committed to arguing the case as far as necessary.”

Smith, 59, of Clarence Center, N.Y., confessed to molesting his daughter when a complaint was filed against him in 1963 in Tonawanda, N.Y., but was never prosecuted, Rosenfeld said.

The judge ruled that there was no indication that Smith either hid the wrongs or deceived his daughter in a way that prevented her from understanding, after she reached 18, that a wrong was committed.

”I’m very happy, obviously,” said Smith’s attorney, Anthony C. Ben, although he added he expected Ms. Allyn to appeal.

Rosenfeld had argued that Smith deprived his daughter of her ability to make decisions through a pattern of intimidation and abuse, indoctrinating her to believe she was bad, she must not tell and that no one would believe her.

This is an article from Journal of Civil Rights and Economic Development, which discusses the case: The Convergence Between Illusion and Reality: Lifting the Veil of Secrecy Around Childhood Sexual Abuse:

To many victims, ours is a society that hears but does not believe, that believes but does not care. Through devices such as silencing and denial, our stories are denied as part of what society perceives as right and wrong.’ One of the most horrible truths often denied by society is the existence of childhood sexual abuse. Part of this denial can be attributed to the social barriers which prevent people from speaking of the home as anything but a sanctuary. Although an illusion exists of the home as an ideal place for children, the reality is that often the home is not a safe place for children. By the age of eighteen, 25% of girls will have experienced sexual abuse; many in their home by a family member.’ As is the case with most sex offenses, the majority of victims are female children and the over-whelming majority of the abusers are male adults.” Threats from the abuser, along with the fear of breaking the family apart, force many victims to remain silent for years. A large number of victims repress all memories of the abuse and do not remember the harm until an event in adulthood, such as marriage, death of the abuser, birth of a child, or psychotherapy, triggers recall of these memories. In addition, many victims who have a recollection of the abuse fail to understand the causal connection between the abuse and the frequently resulting psychological problems.5 Unfortunately, when they finally remember the past abuse and are willing and able to speak up, the law silences them once again. For example, before sexual abuse victims may be eligible for crime victims compensation, a police report must be filed. Furthermore, any civil action they bring against their abuser will most likely be time-barred by the statute of limitations.”

HERE is another report that appeared in The Gainesville Sun.

THIS is a copy of an article that appeared in The Weekly World. (The sensationalism around the issue was awful.)

And finally, this article from the June, 2013 issue of  Vermont Woman, says:

Statute of limitations on sex crimes extended

Previously, Vermont law required prosecution of certain crimes of sexual violence against a child to happen by the time the victim turns 24, or within ten years of the crime, whichever is earlier. This timeframe did not reflect the nature of the crime. Children don’t report sexual violence for many reasons, including threats by their abuser, confusion about the nature of the crime; a belief that they will not be believed, or they simply don’t remember or understand what happened until well into adulthood. Perpetrators are known to target victims who seem most unlikely to report, and so the old statute of limitations didn’t fit the crime. The law passed this year extends the statute of limitations for reporting sexual assault of a child, sexual exploitation of a minor, and lewd or lascivious conduct with a child to 40 years after the crime’s occurrence.

And that was kind of the point of putting myself (and my own children, who had to cope with the fallout) through all of that suffering – that I would be able to make some small change in the psychopathic, misogynistic system of laws that we inherited, that I could improve the lot of other victims of intimate violence.


Jeanne displays the balls she has severed from our system of patriarchal law

One Billion Rising

These are videos of the One Billion Rising phenomenon. One in three women has survived sexual assault. One sixth of the entire human race.


This one is very disturbing and very powerful:


This is the official video of the flashmob dance, Break The Chain:


And this is a video that I shot in St. Johnsbury, Vermont on Valentine’s Day 2013:


Eye Candy

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