Notes on the Journey

Archive for the ‘Deep Ecology’ Category

October 17, 2016

Journal Entry

Feeling comfortably detached as I wait here for the end of the world.

I’m in an odd place because I left behind all the guideposts I used to rely on to explain the world and shape my views and behavior. I have gone into the Outer Darkness, far beyond what I leaned from all the philosophers and gurus and I don’t believe ANY of it anymore. I see now that ALL of it was presented from the male point of view, everything I learned, everything I read, except for the work of a few feminist authors and teachers.

The only teaching that has any value is the one that directs me to become aware of my body and my breathing and to work on maintaining my awareness in the present, here and now.

I am keenly aware of just how powerless I am to affect what is happening on this planet. Some moments I desperately want to be released from this disaster, but at others, like right now, I’m just grateful that my own little life makes some sense and has beauty in it.

It would be great to stop taking patriarchy so personally.The whole point of rape culture is to reduce me to an object, a non-agent. My “beingness,” my uniqueness, my personhood is irrelevant.

Men seek revenge on women because men can’t have babies. This is the whole primal truth of the matter. This truth is rabidly suppressed, just like the truth about climate change and the mass die-off of pollinators from industrial petrochemicals, for instance. These are truths that I am never allowed to speak aloud in public. People do not want to hear it. It makes them uncomfortable to hear the truth.

I spoze I need to write another blogpost about this – about Marge Piercy’s conjecture that technology will solve this problem of male jealousy over women’s reproductive capacity by growing babies in artificial wombs and shooting up men with female hormones so they can breastfeed, as she proposed in her book, Woman On The Edge Of Time. Tranzing is the tech solution to inequality between the sexes and this is a problem because medical science and technology are capitalist, masculinist enterprises and as such, don’t particularly care about women and the natural world, which are simply “resources” that exist to make profit from.

I’m coming to accept that I’m not responsible for patriarchy. I didn’t cause it and I can’t cure it, as they say around the 12-step groups that deal with addiction. It seems that my yelling at the delusional masses in online forums (and frantic emails to former women-only spaces like rape crisis centers that now permit men who say they are women into their support groups) is just my attempt to blow off steam in my mind-shattering grief over what is taking place,  over the harm that is being done to women and the very basis of life on earth, and for all the life that is being lost.

The violence that I have been subjected to throughout my life from this rapist culture gave me a distorted sense of responsibility. I am not responsible for patriarchy and it’s brainless, gynocidal,  SUICIDAL ecocide.

A patriarchal family is a slave family and is a shame-based family because shame is what molds people into slavery. All of the implied and actual violence is deliberate and intended to produce shame within individuals such that they are unable to stop the violence. The Circle of Death.

I am still coping with the injuries I sustained in my marriage. The man I married is an automaton who acts out a rigid role. I used to explain his behavior by the fact that he grew up with an alcoholic father. I did not exist as a living, autonomous sentient being. I was also only a ROLE, an object, an economic unit, as he actually stated about me and our children. I was a function and a means to his own ends.

About a year ago I was trying to write about addiction and slavery and attachment theory and was unable to find the heart in it…because I was not consciously considering the role of male supremacy and rape culture. Male privilege is always the elephant in the living room. It’s the silent oppressive fog that surrounds all of our social structures. So I wasn’t able to put together the severed parts, I had a jumble of facts, but the essence was missing.

Ten thousand years of female slavery shaped the relations between my ex-husband and me. He was grown the same way that my father and brothers and all males are made, secure in their positions of dominance over women and their right to our labor, our bodies, the products of our wombs, our care and attention.

I could not be a moral agent until I was able to walk away from all of this. I could not be responsible until I was able to separate myself from the constant violence from males that shaped my choices. Instead of being sorrowful I know I need to be grateful that I woke up and that I have this opportunity to come to real life, to the real world, dying as it is. I still have this moment of autonomy and clarity.

 

 

 

 

Madam Nomad

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A woman is never at home within patriarchy. I have been a wanderer since I emerged from my mother’s body. This blog is about my intergalactic journey wherein I am always coming home. I write about women,  social justice, political acts, the sado-psychiatric system, and ecology. I use this page to display the art that I do that has saved my life and given me a way to voice my visions.  I take pictures,  I make pictures and protest signs, I am a fan of outsider art and public art.

 

 

Geoengineering and Cassandra

I could not be entirely certain about the problem of Climate Change, AKA Global Warming, despite all the research I have done on the topic over the years – how fast it was happening, how profound the effects on the Biosphere will be, whether there might be unknown countervaling forces. So, I didn’t give myself completely over to despair. We might have time to make changes, we might be able to adapt.

5792_10154006842804844_8955738303563104888_nBut the chemtrail phenomenon is a different matter. The geoengineering project, which is taking place all over the world, right over our heads, in plain sight, is conscious, deliberate, irrevocable, unfixable and absolutely lethal to all life on Earth. The heavy metals, including aluminum oxide and barium are intended to provide a reflecting surface for solar radiation, to redirect back out into space. Unfortunately, these metals are toxic to the soils and very bad for all living cells, human, animal and plant.

The risky experiment may be successful, but as they say in that  joke about about surgery…the operation may be successful, but unfortunately the patient will die.

It’s ridiculous that a small number of psychopathic billionaire bullies has been able to implement this mass murder-suicide right before our eyes and yet anyone who speaks up about what we see is subjected to ridicule and accused of being a crank or a conspiracy theorist.

It sure sucks to be Cassandra and to be able to see shit that other people refuse to see because their cognitive dissonance hurts too much. I know it hurts because I have gone through it and come out on the other side.

I can’t cope anymore with my profound sense of betrayal and the full realization that nothing I do or say is going to make any difference. The elite has salted the earth and the damage is done. The die-back of species of insects, wildflowers and amphibians and other wildlife that I have been witnessing in the woods over the past ten years, is not, as I believed, due to the changing climate, although this is a significant stressor. it is due to the fact that stupid rich white men are spraying the entire planet with aluminum oxide in order, I suppose, to protect their investment. That’s how they justify the expense. Because life, soils, water are all commodities to be bought and sold and have no meaning independent of their market value.

I decided to research the topic further to see if there was any basis for my suspicions about the webwork of persistent jet vapor trails that I have been witnessing in the skies for the past 10 years or so. It took me ten years to face my fears, and I am relatively open-minded about how insane wealthy psychopaths really are. This video includes interviews with reputable scientists from all over the world who have been testing the soil and water.

 

 

 

STUFF

Climate Change And The Cassandra Complex

Here is a definition of the term “Cassandra Complex” from Wikipedia:

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The Cassandra metaphor (variously labelled the Cassandra ‘syndrome’, ‘complex’, ‘phenomenon’, ‘predicament’, ‘dilemma’, or ‘curse’) occurs when valid warnings or concerns are dismissed or disbelieved.

The term originates in Greek mythology. Cassandra was a daughter of Priam, the King of Troy. Struck by her beauty, Apollo provided her with the gift of prophecy, but when Cassandra refused Apollo’s romantic advances, he placed a curse ensuring that nobody would believe her warnings. Cassandra was left with the knowledge of future events, but could neither alter these events nor convince others of the validity of her predictions.

One of my earliest memories is a of a dream I had about nuclear war. It was nighttime and I was standing in the middle of Niagara Falls Boulevard in Buffalo, NY. Everyone had died in the bomb blast except for me. This anime clip gives a sense of the creeping horror of that dream:

That was bad enough, but my sense of isolation from humanity was already well established by the fact of my sexual victimization by my father, which had begun when I was less than a year old. My mother kept finding him en flagrante and he kept saying he would stop and she kept believing him. Eventually, by the time I was three years old, she placed the blame squarely on me. That was easier than giving up her meal ticket. The fifties were a tough time to be a single mother.

I believed that I was the only person on Earth that this sexual abuse was happening to. When I was old enough to read I discovered that the medical authorities also said it was very rare and that little girls WANTED to fuck their dads and they lied about being abused to get attention and to manipulate adults.

The oddest thing is that although the sexual abuse of children is far from rare, nobody ever speaks of it. The topic is smothered in silence. Except for what the paternalistic docs have to say.

In any case, this particular socialization process has had the effect of making me feel as if I am fundamentally different from other human beings. I developed an idiosyncratic way of being in the world and I tend to see things that other people completely miss.

And now I notice the same process is underway with respect to the topic of climate change and the mass die-off of species that is well underway on this planet. Nobody is allowed to speak of it in mixed company. When I bring up the topic folks get a look on their face, like, Who  Farted? and they quickly change the topic.

DETOXING

Something most people don’t know about me is that I got myself off of the cocktails of psychiatric chemicals (that I was prescribed for complaining about my incest history) because of Climate Change. I have always been a student of natural history and ecology and I had been reading books and articles in science mags about the changes that are taking place in the Earth’s climate and ecosystems throughout my life.

In 2003 I began to become psychotic as a result of the chemical cocktails that I was taking. Whenever I complained to the docs that the drugs weren’t working their response was to add more drugs and raise the dosages. In 2003 I was taking 80 mgs of the antidepressant paxil,  the “safe” dose of which is supposed to be 20 mgs.  I began to have visions. In one vision I had the sense that I was in a hive and the bees were buzzing all around me. Then, they suddenly went silent. It became very difficult for me to ignore what was happening to the trees, animals, insects and plants all around me. And there was the fact that the poles were melting and the Earth’s temperature was rising faster and faster as the carbon gases kept accumulating.

I had something of an epiphany where I had the sense that, because of my innate leadership skills, I had to get off of the chemicals and get myself strong and healthy in order to guide people through the coming ecological holocaust. So I went through 5 years of hell detoxing slowly and carefully from the chemical cosh.

I no longer have any illusions about being any kind of leader. I am old, female, disabled and nobody pays any attention to my raving about coming catastrophe. But, I do have all of this evidence and I want to get it out in front of people’s faces just in case somebody somewhere might be paying attention.

Here is a list of articles and videos from such mainstream venues as National Geographic and PBS that you can view that deal with the various signals that we are in the process of calamitous changes:

The Sixth Great Extinction WaPo article

National Geographic article on ocean fish extinction

PBS Nature The Silence of the Bees

PBS Extreme Ice, the melting of the poles

PBS The Extinction of Amphibians, The Thin Green Line.

This is a film preview about the death of the ocean:

This is a video about the Exponential Factor and humans inability to appreciate the implications of infinite growth on a finite planet:

This is a video featuring George Marshall, author of the book, Don’t Even Think About It; Why Our Brains Are Wired To Ignore Climate Change:

Yesterday began as a bright, clear deep blue sky day. Then the planes began their back and forth weaving overhead, and the plumes of mist hung in the sky and spread and the entire sky became white with haze. This morning there is a low stratocirrus cloud cover and there is a fine silvery photo-reactive haze in the air at ground level. The ground level haze is very weird, because there is also a brisk breeze blowing, which would carry off normal water vapor fog. Why does no-one notice the weather, notice what is happening right above their heads. No-one ever looks up. Everyone has their eyes on their smartphones. I feel like I am the only awake person on the planet and it’s bloody fucking lonely.

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Ladyslippers, Et Cetera

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Vermont Yankee Protest

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Dropping a Line

This is some of my recent work, some zentangle variations, pencil and ink on paper.

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Gardener’s Supply

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One Billion Rising

These are videos of the One Billion Rising phenomenon. One in three women has survived sexual assault. One sixth of the entire human race.

 

This one is very disturbing and very powerful:

 

This is the official video of the flashmob dance, Break The Chain:

 

And this is a video that I shot in St. Johnsbury, Vermont on Valentine’s Day 2013:

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